As the late Trades Unions, by way of a show,
Over Westminster-bridge strutted five in a row,
"I feel for the bridge," whispered Dick, with a shiver;
"Thus tried by the mob, it may sink in the river."
Quoth Tom, a crown lawyer: "Abandon your fears:
As a bridge it can only be tried by its piers."
DCCLXV.—A NOISE FOR NOTHING.
When Thomas Sheridan was in a nervous, debilitated state, and dining with his father at Peter Moore's, the servant, in passing by the fire-place knocked down the plate-warmer, and made such a clatter as caused the invalid to start and tremble. Moore, provoked by the accident, rebuked the man, and added, "I suppose you have broken all the plates?"—"No, sir," said the servant, "not one!"—"Not one!" exclaimed Sheridan, "then, hang it, sir, you have made all that noise for nothing!"
DCCLXVI.—SHORT MEASURE.
Some one wrote in a hotel visitors' book his initials, "A.S." A wag wrote underneath, "Two-thirds of the truth."
DCCLXVII.—DECANTING EXTRAORDINARY.
Theodore Hook once said to a man at whose table a publisher got very drunk, "Why, you appear to have emptied your wine-cellar into your book-seller."
DCCLXVIII.—A DILEMMA.
Whilst a country parson was preaching, the chief of his parishioners sitting near the pulpit was fast asleep: whereupon he said, "Now, beloved friends, I am in a great strait; for if I speak too softly, those at the farther end of the church cannot hear me; and if I talk too loud, I shall wake the chief man in the parish."