An agricultural society offered premiums to farmers' daughters, "girls under twenty-one years of age," who should exhibit the best lots of butter, not less than 10 lbs. "That is all right," said an old maid, "save the insinuation that some girls are over twenty-one years of age."
DCCCLXVI.—A CASE OF NECESSITY.
A shopkeeper, who had stuck up a notice in glaring capitals, "Selling off! Must close on Saturday!" was asked by a friend, "What! are you selling off?"—"Yes, all the shopkeepers are selling off, ain't they?"—"But you say, 'Must close on Saturday.'"—"To be sure; would you have me keep open on Sunday!"
DCCCLXVII.—SPECIES AND SPECIE.
In preaching a charity sermon, Sydney Smith frequently repeated the assertion that, of all nations, Englishmen were most distinguished for their generosity, and the love of their species. The collection happened to be inferior to his expectation, and he said that he had evidently made a great mistake; for that his expression should have been, that they were distinguished for the love of their specie.
DCCCLXVIII.—DR. JOHNSON.
When Dr. Johnson courted Mrs. Potter, whom he afterwards married, he told her that he was of mean extraction; that he had no money; and that he had had an uncle hanged! The lady, by way of reducing herself to an equality with the Doctor, replied, that she had no more money than himself; and that, though she had not had a relation hanged, she had fifty who deserved hanging.
DCCCLXIX.—THE POET FOILED.
To win the maid the poet tries,
And sonnets writes to Julia's eyes,
She likes a verse, but, cruel whim,
She still appears a-verse to him.