A few years ago, when Billy Burton, the American actor, was in his "trouble," a young lawyer was examining him as to how he had spent his money. There was about three thousand pounds unaccounted for, when the attorney put on a severe scrutinizing face, and exclaimed, with much self-complacency,—"Now, sir, I want you to tell this court and jury how you used those three thousand pounds." Burton put on one of his serio-comic faces, winked at the audience, and exclaimed, "The lawyers got that!" The judge and audience were convulsed with laughter. The counsellor was glad to let the comedian go.
DCCCLXXI.—VICE VERSA.
It is asserted that the bad Ministers have contracted the National Debt. This cannot be; for instead of contracting it at all, bad Ministers have most materially extended it.
DCCCLXXII.—NOTHING PERSONAL.
At a dinner-party one day a certain knight, whose character was considered to be not altogether unexceptionable, said he would give them a toast; and looking hard in the face of Mrs. M——, who was more celebrated for wit than beauty, gave "Honest men an' bonny lasses!"—"With all my heart, Sir John," said Mrs. M——, "for it neither applies to you nor me."
DCCCLXXIII.—A HINT FOR GENEALOGISTS.
Mr. Moore, who derived his pedigree from Noah, explained it in this manner: "Noah had three sons, Shem, Ham, and one more."
DCCCLXXIV.—A MISTAKE.
Old Dick Baldwin stoutly maintained that no man ever died of drinking. "Some puny things," he said, "have died of learning to drink, but no man ever died of drinking." Mr. Baldwin was no mean authority; for he spoke from great practical experience, and was, moreover, many years treasurer of St. Bartholomew's Hospital.