"Well, Will," said an Earl one day to Will Speir, seeing the latter finishing his dinner, "have you had a good dinner to-day?" (Will had been grumbling some time before.) "Ou, vera gude," answered Will; "but gin anybody asks if I got a dram after 't, what will I say?"
MAXILLA.—GOOD EVIDENCE.
"Did you ever see Mr. Murdock return oats?" inquired the counsel.
"Yes, your honor," was the reply.
"On what ground did he refuse them?" was next asked by the learned counsel.
"In the back-yard," said Teddy, amidst the laughter of the court.
AXLE.—EPITAPH UPON PETER STAGGS.
Poor Peter Staggs now rests beneath this rail,
Who loved his joke, his pipe, and mug of ale;
For twenty years he did the duties well,
Of ostler, boots, and waiter at the Bell.
But death stepped in, and ordered Peter Staggs
To feed the worms, and leave the farmers' nags.
The church clock struck one—alas! 'twas Peter's knell,
Who sighed, "I'm coming—that's the ostler's bell!"
MXLVI.—QUIN AND THE PARSON.
A well-beneficed old parson having a large company to dinner, entertained them with nothing else but the situation and profits of his parochial livings, which he said he kept entirely to himself. Quin, being one of the party, and observing that the parson displayed a pair of very dirty yellow hands, immediately called out,—"So, so, doctor, I think you do keep your glebe in your own hands with a witness!"