When he holds forth, his reverence doth appear
So lengthily his subject to pursue,
That listeners (out of patience) often fear
He has indeed eternity in view.
MCXXXII.—SPEAKING OF SAUSAGES.
Mr. Smith passed a pork-shop the other day,—Mr. Smith whistled. The moment he did this, every sausage "wagged its tail." As a note to this, we would mention that the day before he lost a Newfoundland dog, that weighed sixty-eight pounds.
MCXXXIII.—BRINGING HIS MAN DOWN.
Rogers used to relate this story: An Englishman and a Frenchman fought a duel in a darkened room. The Englishman, unwilling to take his antagonist's life, generously fired up the chimney, and—brought down the Frenchman. "When I tell this story in France," pleasantly added the relator, "I make the Englishman go up the chimney."
MCXXXIV.—A PERFECT BORE.
Some one being asked if a certain authoress, whom he had long known, was not "a little tiresome?"—"Not at all," said he, "she was perfectly tiresome."
MCXXXV.—TOO CIVIL BY HALF.
An Irish judge had a habit of begging pardon on every occasion. At the close of the assize, as he was about to leave the bench, the officer of the Court reminded him that he had not passed sentence of death on one of the criminals, as he had intended. "Dear me!" said his lordship, "I really beg his pardon,—bring him in."