A landlady, who exhibited an inordinate love for the vulgar fluid gin, would order her servant to get the supplies after the following fashion: "Betty, go and get a quartern loaf, and half a quartern of gin." Off started Betty. She was speedily recalled: "Betty, make it half a quartern loaf, and a quartern of gin." But Betty had never fairly got across the threshold on the mission ere the voice was again heard: "Betty, on second thoughts, you may as well make it all gin."
MCXXXVII.—THE CHURCH IN THE WAY.
Dr. Johnson censured Gwyn, the architect, for taking down a church, which might have stood for many years, and building a new one in a more convenient place, for no other reason but that there might be a direct road to a new bridge. "You are taking," said the doctor, "a church out of the way, that the people may go in a straight line to the bridge."—"No, sir," replied Gwyn: "I am putting the church in the way, that the people may not go out of the way."
MCXXXVIII.—SAVING TIME.
A candidate at an election, who wanted eloquence, when another had, in a long and brilliant speech, promised great things, got up and said, "Electors of G——, all that he has said I will do."
MCXXXIX.—THE YOUNG IDEA.
Schoolmistress (pointing to the first letter of the alphabet): "Come, now, what is that?" Scholar: "I sha'n't tell you." Schoolmistress: "You won't! But you must. Come, now, what is it?" Scholar: "I sha'n't tell you. I didn't come here to teach you,—but for you to teach me."
MCXL.—EPIGRAM.
Two Harveys had a mutual wish
To please in different stations;
For one excelled in Sauce for Fish,
And one in Meditations.
Each had its pungent power applied
To aid the dead and dying;
This relishes a sole when fried,
That saves a soul from frying.