MCLL.—THE PLURAL NUMBER.
A boy being asked what was the plural of "penny," replied, with great promptness and simplicity, "two-pence."
MCLII.—MAULE-PRACTICE.
A man having broken open a young lady's jewel-case (the offence was differently described in the indictment), pleaded that he had done so with consent. "In the future," said Mr. Justice Maule, "When you receive a lady's consent under similar circumstances, get it, if possible, in writing."
MCLIII.—VERY LIKELY.
An English officer lost his leg at the battle of Vittoria, and after suffering amputation with the greatest courage, thus addressed his servant who was crying, or pretending to cry, in one corner of the room, "None of your hypocritical tears, you idle dog; you know you are very glad, for now you will have only one boot to clean instead of two."
MCLIV.—MUCH ALIKE.
A sailor was asked, "Where did your father die?"—"In a storm," answered the sailor. "And your grandfather?"—"He was drowned."—"And your great-grandfather?"—"He perished at sea."—"How, then," said the questioner, "dare you go to sea, since all your ancestors perished there? You needs must be very rash."—"Master," replied the sailor, "do me the favor of telling me where your father died?"—"Very comfortably in a bed."—"And your forefathers?"—"In the same manner,—very quietly in their beds."—"Ah! master," replied the sailor, "how, then, dare you go to bed, since all your ancestors died in it?"
MCLV.—A GOOD WIFE.
A very excellent lady was desired by another to teach her what secrets she had to preserve her husband's favor. "It is," replied she, "by doing all that pleases him, and by enduring patiently all that displeases me."