MCLXXI.—CUTTING AN ACQUAINTANCE.
George Selwyn, happening to be at Bath when it was nearly empty, was induced, for the mere purpose of killing time, to cultivate the acquaintance of an elderly gentleman he was in the habit of meeting at the Rooms. In the height of the following season, Selwyn encountered his old associate in St. James's street. He endeavored to pass unnoticed, but in vain. "What! don't you recollect me?" exclaimed the cuttee. "I recollect you perfectly," replied Selwyn; "and when I next go to Bath, I shall be most happy to become acquainted with you again."
MCLXXII.—VERY SHOCKING, IF TRUE.
At a dinner-party, one of the guests used his knife improperly in eating. At length a wag asked aloud: "Have you heard of poor L——'s sad affair? I met him at a party yesterday, when to our great horror, he suddenly took up the knife, and——" "Good heavens!" interposed one of the ladies; "and did he cut his throat?"—"Why no," answered the relator, "he did not cut his throat with his knife; but we all expected he would, for he actually put it up to his mouth."
MCLXXIII.—IMPOSSIBLE IN THE EVENING.
Theodore Hook, about to be proposed a member of the Phœnix Club, inquired when they met. "Every Saturday evening during the winter," was the answer. "Evening? O then," said he, "I shall never make a Phœnix, for I can't rise from the fire."
MCLXXIV.—A GOOD APPETITE.
A nobleman had a house-porter who was an enormous eater. "Frank," said he, one day, "tell me how many loins you could eat?" "Ah, my lord, as for loins, not many; five or six at most."—"And how many legs of mutton?"—"Ah, as for legs of mutton, not many; seven or eight, perhaps."—"And fatted pullets?"—"Ah, as for pullets, my lord, not many; not more than a dozen."—"And pigeons?"—"Ah, as for pigeons, not many; perhaps forty—fifty at most—according to appetite."—"And larks?"—"Ah, as for that, my lord—little larks—for ever, my lord—for ever!"
MCLXXV.—SHORT-SIGHTED.
Dean Cowper, of Durham, who was very economical of his wine, descanting one day on the extraordinary performance of a man who was blind, remarked, that the poor fellow could see no more than "that bottle."—"I do not wonder at it at all, sir," replied a minor canon, "for we have seen no more than 'that bottle' all the afternoon."