MCLXVI.—ALERE FLAMMAN.
Mrs. B—— desired Dr. Johnson to give his opinion of a new work she had just written, adding, that if it would not do, she begged him to tell her, for she had other irons in the fire, and in case of its not being likely to succeed, she could bring out something else. "Then," said the doctor, after having turned over a few of the leaves, "I advise you, madam, to put it where your other irons are."
MCLXVII.—ORATORY.
At the time when Sir Richard Steele was preparing his great room in York Buildings for public orations, he was behindhand in his payments to the workmen; and coming one day among them, to see what progress they made, he ordered the carpenter to get into the rostrum, and speak anything that came uppermost, that he might observe how it could be heard. "Why then, Sir Richard," says the fellow, "here have we been working for you these six months, and cannot get one penny of money. Pray, sir, when do you mean to pay us?"—"Very well, very well," said Sir Richard; "pray come down; I have heard quite enough; I cannot but own you speak very distinctly, though I don't much admire your subject."
MCLXVIII.—SOLDIERS' WIVES.
The late Duchess of York having desired her housekeeper to seek out a new laundress, a decent-looking woman was recommended to the situation. "But," said the housekeeper, "I am afraid she will not suit your royal highness, as she is a soldier's wife, and these people are generally loose characters!"—"What is it you say?" said the duke, who had just entered the room, "a soldier's wife! Pray, madam, what is your mistress? I desire that the woman may be immediately engaged."
MCLXIX.—NO JOKE.
A gentleman, finding his grounds trespassed on and robbed, set up a board in a most conspicuous situation, to scare offenders, by the notification that "Steel-traps and Spring-guns are set in these Grounds";—but finding that even this was treated with contempt, he caused to be painted, in very prominent letters, underneath,—"No Joke, by the Lord Harry!" which had the desired effect.
MCLXX.—A GOOD LIKENESS.
A person who had often teased another ineffectually for subscriptions to charitable undertakings, was one day telling him that he had just seen his picture. "And did you ask it for a subscription?" said the non-giver. "No, I saw no chance," replied the other; "it was so like you."