MCLXXX.—A PHILOSOPHICAL REASON.
A scholar was asked why a black hen laid a white egg. He answered, "Unum contrarium expellit alterum."
MCLXXXI.—A PLAY UPON WORDS.
A poacher was carried before a magistrate upon a charge of killing game unlawfully in a nobleman's park, where he was caught in the fact. Being asked what he had to say in his defence, and what proof he could bring to support it, he replied, "May it please your worship, I know and confess that I was found in his lordship's park, as the witness has told you, but I can bring the whole parish to prove that, for the last thirty years, it has been my manner."
MCLXXXII.—JEMMY GORDON.
Jemmy Gordon, the well-known writer of many a theme and declamation for varmint-men, alias non-reading Cantabs, having been complimented by an acquaintance on the result of one of his themes, to which the prize of a certain college was awarded, quaintly enough replied, "It is no great credit to be first in an ass-race."
MCLXXXIII.—SETTING UP AND SITTING DOWN.
Swift was one day in company with a young coxcomb, who, rising from his chair, said, with a conceited and confident air, "I would have you to know, Mr. Dean, I set up for a wit."—"Do you, indeed," replied the Dean; "Then take my advice, and sit down again."
MCLXXXIV.—A SETTLED POINT.
"A reformed Parliament," exclaimed a Conservative the other day, "will never do for this country."—"No! but an unreformed would, and that quickly," replied a bystander.