MCCLXXXIX.—POPE'S LAST ILLNESS.
During Pope's last illness, a squabble happened in his chamber, between his two physicians, Dr. Burton and Dr. Thomson, they mutually charging each other with hastening the death of the patient by improper prescriptions. Pope at length silenced them by saying, "Gentlemen, I only learn by your discourse that I am in a dangerous way; therefore, all I now ask is, that the following epigram may be added after my death to the next edition of the Dunciad, by way of postscript:—
'Dunces rejoice, forgive all censures past,
The greatest dunce has killed your foe at last.'"
MCCXC.—OPPOSITE TEMPERS.
General Sutton was very passionate, and calling one morning on Sir Robert Walpole, who was quite the reverse, found his servant shaving him. During the conversation, Sir Robert said, "John, you cut me"; and continued the former subject of discourse. Presently he said again, "John, you cut me"; but as mildly as before: and soon after he had occasion to say it a third time; when Sutton, starting up in a rage, said, swearing a great oath, and doubling his fist at the servant, "If Sir Robert can bear it, I cannot; and if you cut him once more, John, I'll knock you down."
MCCXCI.—A CONJUGAL CONCLUSION.
A woman having fallen into a river, her husband went to look for her, proceeding up the stream from the place where she fell in. The bystanders asked him if he was mad,—she could not have gone against the stream. The man answered, "She was obstinate and contrary in her life, and no doubt she was the same at her death."
MCCXCII.—A QUEER EXPRESSION.
A poor but clever student in the University of Glasgow was met by one of the Professors, who noticing the scantiness of his academical toga, said, "Mr. ——, your gown is very short."—"It will be long enough, sir, before I get another," replied the student. The answer tickled the Professor greatly, and he went on quietly chuckling to himself, when he met a brother Professor, who, noticing his hilarity, inquired what was amusing him so much. "Why, that fellow —— said such a funny thing. I asked why his gown was so short, and he said, 'it will be a long time before I get another.'"—"There's nothing very funny in that."—"Well, no," replied the other, "there is not, after all. But it was the way he said it."