It chanced, one gloomy day in the month of December, that a good-humored Irishman applied to a merchant to discount a bill of exchange for him at rather a long though not an unusual date; and the merchant having casually remarked that the bill had a great many days to run, "That's true," replied the Irishman, "but consider how short the days are at this time of the year."
MCCXCIV.—A PARTICIPATION IN A PRACTICAL JOKE.
Some unlucky lads in the University bearing a spite to the dean for his severity towards them, went secretly one night and daubed the rails of his staircase with tar. The dean coming down in the dark, dirtied his hands and coat very much with the tar; and, being greatly enraged, he sent for one most suspected to be the author. This the lad utterly denied; but said, "Truly, I did it not; but if you please, I can tell you who had a hand in it." Here they thought to have found out the truth, and asked him who. The lad answered, "Your worship, sir"; which caused him to be dismissed with great applause for his ingenuity.
MCCXCV.—INGRATITUDE.
When Lord B—— died, a person met an old man who was one of his most intimate friends. He was pale, confused, awe-stricken. Every one was trying to console him, but in vain. "His loss," he exclaimed, "does not affect me so much as his horrible ingratitude. Would you believe it? he died without leaving me anything in his will,—I, who have dined with him, at his own house, three times a week for thirty years!"
MCCXCVI.—A PREFIX.
When Lord Melcombe's name was plain Bubb, he was intended by the administration to be sent ambassador to Spain. Lord Chesterfield met him, and told him he was not a fit person to be representative of the crown of England at the Spanish court, on account of the shortness of his name, as the Spaniards pride themselves on the length of their titles, "unless," added his lordship, "you don't mind calling yourself Silly-Bubb!"
MCCXCVII.—A GOOD MIXTURE.
An eminent painter was once asked what he mixed his colors with in order to produce so extraordinary an effect. "I mix them with brains, sir!" was his answer.