In the museum at Abbotsford there is a small Roman patera, or goblet, in showing which Sir Walter Scott tells the following story: "I purchased this" (says he) "at a nobleman's roup near by, at the enormous sum of twenty-five guineas. I would have got it for twenty-pence if an antiquary who knew its value had not been there and opposed me. However, I was almost consoled for the bitter price it cost by the amusement I derived from an old woman, who had evidently come from a distance to purchase some trifling culinary articles, and who had no taste for the antique. At every successive guinea which we bade for the patera this good old lady's mouth grew wider and wider with unsophisticated astonishment, until at last I heard her mutter to herself, in a tone which I shall never forget,—'Five-an-twenty guineas! If the parritch-pan gangs at that, what will the kail-pan gang for!'"
MCCXCIX.—HORNE TOOKE AND WILKES.
Horne Tooke having challenged Wilkes, who was then Sheriff of London and Middlesex, received the following laconic reply: "Sir, I do not think it my business to cut the throat of every desperado that may be tired of his life; but, as I am at present High Sheriff of the city of London, it may happen that I shall shortly have an opportunity of attending you in my official capacity, in which case I will answer for it that you shall have no ground to complain of my endeavors to serve you."
MCCC.—A LITERARY RENDERING.
A Scotch lady gave her servant very particular instructions regarding visitors, explaining, that they were to be shown into the drawing-room, and no doubt used the Scotticism, "Carry any ladies that call up stairs." On the arrival of the first visitors, Donald was eager to show his strict attention to the mistress's orders. Two ladies came together, and Donald, seizing one in his arms, said to the other, "Bide ye there till I come for ye," and, in spite of her struggles and remonstrances, ushered the terrified visitor into his mistress's presence in this unwonted fashion.
MCCCI.—TEMPERANCE CRUETS.
The late James Smith might often be seen at the Garrick Club, restricting himself at dinner to a half-pint of sherry; whence he was designated an incorporated temperance society. The late Sir William Aylett, a grumbling member of the Union, and a two-bottle-man, observing Mr. Smith to be thus frugally furnished, eyed his cruet with contempt, and exclaimed: "So I see you have got one of those life-preservers!"
MCCCII.—DR GLYNN'S RECEIPT FOR DRESSING A CUCUMBER.
Dr. Glynn, whose name is still remembered in Cambridge, being one day in attendance on a lady, in the quality of her physician, took the liberty of lecturing her on the impropriety of eating cucumber, of which she was immoderately fond, and gave her the following humorous receipt for dressing them: "Peel the cucumber," said the doctor, "with great care; then cut it into very thin slices, pepper and salt it well, and then—throw it away."