Captain Innes of the Guards (usually called Jock Innes by his contemporaries) was with others getting ready for Flushing, or some of those expeditions at the beginning of the great war. His commanding officer remonstrated about the badness of his hat, and recommended a new one. "Na! na! bide a wee," said Jock; "whare we're ga'in', faith there'll soon be mair hats nor heads."
MCCCIV.—SEVERE REBUKE.
Sir William B. being at a parish meeting, made some proposals which were objected to by a farmer. Highly enraged, "Sir," said he to the farmer, "do you know that I have been at two universities, and at two colleges in each university?"—"Well, sir," replied the farmer, "what of that? I had a calf that sucked two cows, and the observation I made was, the more he sucked the greater calf he grew."
MCCCV.—HORSES TO GRASS.
In an Irish paper was an advertisement for horses to stand at livery, on the following terms:—
Long-tailed horses, at 3s. 6d. per week.
Short-tailed horses at 3s. per week.
On inquiry into the cause of the difference, it was answered, that the horses with long tails could brush the flies off their backs while eating, whereas the short-tailed horses were obliged to take their heads from the manger.
MCCCVI.—INADVERTENCE AND EPICURISM.
When the Duke of Wellington was at Paris, as Commander of the Allied Armies, he was invited to dine with Cambacères, one of the most distinguished statesmen and gourmets of the time of Napoleon. In the course of dinner, his host having helped him to some particularly recherché dish, expressed a hope that he found it agreeable. "Very good," said the Duke, who was probably reflecting on Waterloo; "very good, but I really do not care what I eat."—"Don't care what you eat!" exclaimed Cambacères, as he started back, and dropped his fork; "what did you come here for, then!"