MCCCXLII.—WHAT IS AN ARCHDEACON?
Lord Althorp, when Chancellor of the Exchequer, having to propose to the House of Commons a vote of £400 a year for the salary of the Archdeacon of Bengal, was puzzled by a question from Mr. Hume, "What are the duties of an archdeacon?" So he sent one of the subordinate occupants of the Treasury Bench to the other House to obtain an answer to the question from one of the bishops. To Dr. Blomfield accordingly the messenger went, and repeated the question, "What is an archdeacon?"—"An archdeacon," replied the bishop, in his quick way, "an archdeacon is an ecclesiastical officer, who performs archidiaconal functions"; and with this reply Lord Althorp and the House were perfectly satisfied. It ought to be added, however, that when the story was repeated to the bishop himself, he said that he had no recollection of having made any such answer; but that if he had, it must have been suggested to him by a saying of old John White, a dentist, whom he had known in early days, who used to recommend the use of lavender-water to his patients, and when pressed for a reason for his recommendation, replied, "On account of its lavendric properties."
MCCCXLIII.—"ON MR. PITT'S BEING PELTED BY THE MOB, ON LORD MAYOR'S DAY, 1787."
The City-feast inverted here we find,
For Pitt had his dessert before he dined.
MCCCXLIV.—LATIMER.
The pious and learned martyr, and Bishop of Worcester, who was educated at Christ College, Cambridge, and was one of the first reformers of the Church of England, at a controversial conference, being out-talked by younger divines, and out-argued by those who were more studied in the fathers, said, "I cannot talk for my religion, but I am ready to die for it."
MCCCXLV.—EXCUSE FOR COWARDICE.
A braggart ran away from battle, and gave as a reason, that a friend had written his epitaph, which had an excellent point in it, provided he attained the age of one hundred.
MCCCXLVI.—A NEW IDEA.
One of Mrs. Montague's blue-stocking ladies fastened upon Foote, at one of the routs in Portman Square, with her views of Locke "On the Understanding," which she protested she admired above all things; only there was one particular word, very often repeated, which she could not distinctly make out, and that was the word (pronouncing it very long) ide-a. "But I suppose," said she, "it comes from a Greek derivation."—"You are perfectly right, madam," said Foote; "it comes from the word ideaowski."—"And pray, sir, what does that mean?"—"It is the feminine of idiot, madam!"