MCCCXLVII—THE POOR CURATE.
For the Rector in vain through the parish you'll search,
But the Curate you'll find living hard by the church.
MCCCXLVIII.—NEIGHBORLY POLITENESS.
Sir Godfrey Kneller and Dr. Ratcliffe lived next door to each other, and were extremely intimate. Kneller had a very fine garden, and as the doctor was fond of flowers, he permitted him to have a door into it. Ratcliffe's servants gathering and destroying the flowers, Kneller sent to inform him that he would nail up the door; to which Ratcliffe, in his rough manner, replied, "Tell him, he may do anything but paint it."—"Well," replied Kneller, "he may say what he will, for tell him, I will take anything from him, except physic."
MCCCXLIX.—A HEAVY WEIGHT.
Mr. Douglas, son of the Bishop of Salisbury, was six feet two inches in height, and of enormous bulk. The little boys of Oxford always gathered about him when he went into the streets, to look up at his towering bulk. "Get out of my way, you little scamps," he used to cry, "or I will roll upon you." It was upon this gentleman that Canning composed the following epigram:—
That the stones of our chapel are both black and white,
Is most undeniably true;
But, as Douglas walks o'er them both morning and night,
It's a wonder they're not black and blue.
MCCCL.—A SYLLABIC DIFFERENCE.
Gibbon, the historian, was one day attending the trial of Warren Hastings in Westminster Hall, and Sheridan, having perceived him there, took occasion to mention "the luminous author of The Decline and Fall." After he had finished, one of his friends reproached him with flattering Gibbon. "Why, what did I say of him?" asked Sheridan. "You called him the luminous author."—"Luminous! Oh, I meant voluminous!"