Theodore Hook once observed a party of laborers sinking a well. "What are you about?" he inquired. "Boring for water, sir," was the answer. "Water's a bore at any time," responded Hook; "besides, you're quite wrong; remember the old proverb,—'Let well alone.'"
MCCCLII.—ON A GENTLEMAN NAMED HEDDY.
In reading his name it may truly be said,
You will make that man dy if you cut off his Hed.
MCCCLIII.—THE WAY TO KEW.
Hook, in the supposed character of Gower-street undergraduate, says: "One problem was given me to work which I did in a twinkling. Given C A B to find Q. Answer: Take your C A B through Hammersmith, turn to the left just before you come to Brentford, and Kew is right before you."
MCCCLIV.—ABOVE PROOF.
An East-India Governor having died abroad, his body was put in arrack, to preserve it for interment, in England. A sailor on board the ship being frequently drunk, the captain forbade the purser, and indeed all in the ship, to let him have any liquor. Shortly after the fellow appeared very drunk. How he obtained the liquor, no one could guess. The captain resolved to find out, promising to forgive him if he would tell from whom he got the liquor. After some hesitation, he hiccupped out, "Why, please your honor, I tapped the Governor."
MCCCLV.—AWKWARD ORTHOGRAPHY.
Mathews once went to Wakefield, then, from commercial failures, in a dreadful state. In vain did he announce his inimitable "Youthful Days"; the Yorkshiremen came not. When he progressed to Edinburgh, a friend asked him if he made much money in Wakefield. "Not a shilling!" was the reply. "Not a shilling!" reiterated his astonished acquaintance. "Why, didn't you go there to star?"—"Yes," replied Mathews, with mirthful mournfulness; "but they spell it with a ve in Wakefield."