A fair devotee lamented to her confessor her love of gaming. "Ah! madam," replied the reverend gentleman, "it is a grievous sin;—in the first place consider the loss of time."—"That's just what I do," said she; "I always begrudge the time that is lost in shuffling and dealing."
MDXI.—THE DEBT PAID.
To John I owed great obligation;
But John, unhappily, thought fit
To publish it to all the nation:
Sure John and I am more than quit.
MDXII.—A UTILITARIAN INQUIRY.
James Smith one night took old Mr. Twiss to hear Mathews in his At Home, to the whole of which the mathematician gave devoted attention. At the close, Mr. Smith asked him whether he had not been surprised and pleased. "Both," replied Mr. Twiss, "but what does it all go to prove?"
MDXIII.—AN OBJECTIONABLE PROCESS.
General D—— was more distinguished for gallantry in the field than for the care he lavished upon his person. Complaining, on a certain occasion, to the late Chief-Justice Bushe, of Ireland, of the sufferings he endured from rheumatism, that learned and humorous judge undertook to prescribe a remedy. "You must desire your servant," he said to the general, "to place every morning by your bedside a tub three-parts filled with warm water. You will then get into the tub, and having previously provided yourself with a pound of yellow soap, you must rub your whole body with it, immersing yourself occasionally in the water, and at the end of a quarter of an hour, the process concludes by wiping yourself dry with towels, and scrubbing your person with a flesh-brush."—"Why," said the general, after reflecting for a minute or two, "this seems to be neither more nor less than washing one's self."—"Well, I must confess," rejoined the judge, "it is open to that objection."
MDXIV.—EPIGRAM.
(Upon the late Duke of Buckingham's moderate reform.)
For Buckingham to hope to pit
His bill against Lord Grey's is idle;
Reform, when offered bit by bit,
Is but intended for a bridle.