CCCI.—A GOOD SERVANT.
"I can't conceive," said one nobleman to another, "how it is that you manage. Though your estate is less than mine, I could not afford to live at the rate you do."—"My lord," said the other, "I have a place."—"A place? you amaze me, I never heard of it till now,—pray what place?"—"I am my own steward."
CCCII.—BALANCING ACCOUNTS.
Theophilus Cibber, who was very extravagant, one day asked his father for a hundred pounds. "Zounds, sir," said Colly, "can't you live upon your salary? When I was your age, I never spent a farthing of my father's money."—"But you have spent a great deal of my father's," replied Theophilus. This retort had the desired effect.
CCCIII.—A NOVELTY.
A person was boasting that he had never spoken the truth. "Then," added another, "you have now done it for the first time."
CCCIV.—SCOTCH UNDERSTANDING.
A lady asked a very silly Scotch nobleman, how it happened that the Scots who came out of their own country were, generally speaking, men of more abilities than those who remained at home. "O madam," said he, "the reason is obvious. At every outlet there are persons stationed to examine all who pass, that, for the honor of the country, no one be permitted to leave it who is not a man of understanding."—"Then," said she, "I suppose your lordship was smuggled."
CCCV.—BRUTAL AFFECTIONS.
The attachment of some ladies to their lap-dogs amounts, in some instances, to infatuation. An ill-tempered lap-dog biting a piece out of a male visitor's leg, his mistress thus expressed her compassion: "Poor little dear creature! I hope it will not make him sick!"