CCCVI.—AN INTRODUCTORY CEREMONY.
An alderman of London once requested an author to write a speech for him to speak at Guildhall. "I must first dine with you," replied he, "and see how you open your mouth, that I may know what sort of words will fit it."
CCCVII.—WHIG AND TORY.
Whig and Tory scratch and bite,
Just as hungry dogs we see;
Toss a bone 'twixt two, they fight;
Throw a couple, they agree.
CCCVIII.—CONTRABAND SCOTCHMAN.
A person was complimenting Mrs. —— on her acting a certain female character so well. "To do justice to that character," replied the lady, modestly, "one should be young and handsome."—"Nay, madam," replied the gentleman, "you are a complete proof of the contrary."
CCCIX.—A PLACEBO.
When Mr. Canning was about giving up Gloucester Lodge, Brompton, he said to his gardener, as he took a farewell look of the grounds, "I am sorry, Fraser, to leave this old place."—"Psha, sir," said George, "don't fret; when you had this old place, you were out of place; now you are in place, you can get both yourself and me a better place." The hint was taken, and old George provided for.
CCCX.—A PLACE WANTED.
A gentleman, who did not live very happily with his wife, on the maid telling him that she was about to give her mistress warning, as she kept scolding her from morning till night. "Happy girl!" said the master, "I wish I could give warning too."