Jemima Placid; or, The Advantage of Good-Nature

by Mary Ann Kilner

When they had walked for some time, they returned into the drawing-room; and Mr. Crossly took up his snuff box, which he had left on the table, declaring, he was rejoiced to find it, for that he was always uncomfortable in its absence. Miss Myra, the young lady above-mentioned, expressed her dislike to such a disagreeable habit, and declared, that to be in the room when it was open always made her sneeze. Her uncle looked at her with some displeasure, and ascribed it to her fanciful maggots; saying, it was the best remedy for a head-ach he had ever experienced, and that it never had any disagreeable effect on himself; adding, as she was so squeamish, he would hold his box out of the window while he took a pinch, from fear of offending her delicate nostrils. So, saying he did as he had proposed, keeping his hand at a great distance, and taking a large pinch, he snuffed it up with uncommon haste and avidity. No sooner had his nose received the powerful scent, than he began to cough, choke, and sneeze in such a manner as alarmed the company, though Miss Myra seemed inclined to rejoice at it, and Bob Sprightly, with his friend Samuel, could with difficulty refrain from a violent burst of laughter. At length the old gentleman, being somewhat recovered, began to reproach his niece with her treachery, in having filled his box with pepper, which he declared it to be. She denied the charge, and disowned any knowledge of the adventure. The truth indeed was this: while Mr. Crossly was walking in the garden, the young gentlemen found his box on the table, and thinking the effect would afford them some occasion for their mirth, had desired the footman to procure them a quantity of ground pepper, which they mixed with a little snuff, and carefully replaced the box where they found it. I have already informed you of the success of their scheme, in which they had the more readily engaged, as Mr. Crossly was a man of no very agreeable disposition, and, by his ill-nature, had rendered himself obnoxious to their dislike. The preceding accident, it may be supposed, did not increase his good-humour; and, to say the truth, he was in no great harmony during the rest of the day.

Some time after this, as Miss Myra was stooping to pick up her scissars, Bob contrived to put a large spider upon the lappet of her cap, which very quietly marched about without being perceived, and entertained itself with the prospect of her ribbons, gauze, and flowers, surveyed her curls, and examined the beauty of a bow which hung from the middle of her head-dress. It afterwards very leisurely took its progress down her neck, the tickling sensation of its footsteps she attributed to some loose locks, which she stroked up with her hand. This motion quickened its descent, and it now invaded her shoulder, and took its path quite in sight down her arm, where she first discovered its appearance. With a scream, which the whole house might have heard, she hastily jumped across the room and overset a little table, at which the ladies were at work, and which falling on poor Jemima, gave her a most violent blow on the head and shoulders, she being at a distance playing with her cousins at cards. The company, who were all ignorant of this sudden disturbance, begged Miss Myra to inform them what was the matter with her? which she at length complied with, by exclaiming, A spider! a spider! What shall I do? Take it off, or I shall faint!—This Samuel immediately did; but as her affectation was truly ridiculous, he was determined to divert himself still further with the effects of her folly. In the mean time her uncle blamed her, with some warmth, for the childish foolishness of her behaviour. One would have thought, said he, it had been a giant instead of a spider with which you were engaged. Such an outcry, indeed, for nothing at all—I am quite ashamed of you! And pray see what mischief you have done to Miss Placid! The young lady, in some confusion, apologized for the hurt which her impetuosity had occasioned; and Jemima, who was seldom ruffled by a trifling accident, soon resumed her usual cheerfulness, though she felt the pain for a considerable time. Peace and order being once more re-established, a basket of fruit was brought to please the children, together with some biscuits, and some small seed cakes, which Mrs. Wagstaff had provided for their entertainment.

Miss Myra was politely offered some by Master Sprightly; and upon opening an apricot, a second object of her aversion presented itself, not less dreadful than the former, a large earwig dropped into her lap. Notwithstanding the late mischance which had happened, in consequence of such a weak indulgence of her fears, she again shrieked as if violently hurt, and started from her seat, which she kicked back at the same time, without any regard to her uncle, who was stooping down behind her chair to pick up the stalk of a bunch of currants, which he had let fall.

The chair met his face with such violence, as to knock out one of his front teeth, which had been loose a great while, and which he had carefully preserved, as it much assisted his speech. You may imagine, therefore, that this event did not restore him to a very placid state, as he had already been sufficiently discomposed by the former circumstances which I have mentioned.

Added to her uncle's displeasure, Miss Myra had, in some degree, suffered herself; having torn a muslin apron which she was working, and which she had unpinned to show to Miss Wagstaff. Such was the state of affairs, when Mr. Speedmore, a young country gentleman, entered the room. He was about seventeen, very tall, and clumsy in his appearance, and entirely destitute of those graces which Mr. Placid had, the preceding evening, recommended to his sons. As soon as he had muttered over his first compliments to the master of the house, he sneaked himself into a chair that stood near the door, and sitting down on one side of it, placed an oak stick, which he held in his hand, between his legs, and leaning his chin upon the top, sometimes nibbled the head, and at others gnawed a piece of his glove, which happened to be unsewed. Miss Myra surveyed his figure with the utmost contempt, and whispered to her companion, Miss Wagstaff, that she should like to teaze such a boor; which, she supposed, might be easily done, by obliging him to speak, as he absolutely seemed to have lost his tongue.

In consequence of this resolution, she addressed herself particularly to him, and inquired, whether he had been to a camp, which was at some little distance from Smiledale? and whether he had yet learned, or intended to learn, the manual exercise? To this question, as he was very inattentive, he at first returned no answer; and upon its being repeated, he misunderstood her meaning, and replied—No, Miss! I have seen no Emanuel, nor do I know any such person.—This misapprehension afforded great entertainment to the younger part of the company, who laughed for some time at his mistake; till Mr. Placid inquired into the cause, and, with great good-nature, blamed them for the indulgence of their mirth at Mr. Speedmore's expense; and Miss Wagstaff, with a smile at Miss Myra, added, That the laugh was turned since the earwig had escaped. She blushed at the consciousness which she felt at the reproof, and giving her friend a tap on the shoulder, enjoined her to be silent, declaring, she would not again speak to the young man, though he should gnaw his stick down to the ferrel.