Some Reflections Upon Marriage. / With additions.

by Mary Astell

A Woman therefore can never have too nice a Sense of Honour, provided she does not prefer it before her Duty; she can never be too careful to secure her Character, not only from the Suspicion of a Crime, but even from the Shadow of an Indiscretion. ’Tis well worth her while to renounce the most Entertaining, and, what some perhaps, will call the most Improving Company, rather than give the World a just Occasion of Suspicion or Censure. For besides the Injury that is done Religion, which enjoins us to avoid the very Appearance of Evil, and to do nothing but what is of good Report, she puts her self too much in a Man’s Power, who will run such a Risque for his Conversation, and expresses such a Value for him, as cannot fail of being made use of to do her a Mischief.

Preserve your Distance then, keep out of the Reach of Danger, fly if you would be safe, be sure to be always on the Reserve, not such as is Morose and Affected, but Modest and Discreet, your Caution cannot be too great, nor your Foresight reach too far; there’s nothing, or what is next to nothing, a little Amusement and entertaining Conversation, lost by this, but all is hazarded by the other. A Man understands his own Merit too well to lose his Time in a Woman’s Company, were it not to divert himself at her Cost, to turn her into a Jest, or something worse. And where-ever you see great Assiduities, when a Man insinuates into the Diversions and Humours of the Lady, liking and admiring whatever she does, though at the same Time he seems to keep a due Distance, or rather exceeds in the profoundest Respect; Respect being all he dare at present pretend to: when a more than ordinary Deference is paid; when something particular appears in the Look and Address, and such an Obsequiousness in every Action, as nothing could engage a Man to, who never forgets the Superiority of his Sex, but a Hope to be observ’d in his Turn: Then, whatever the Inequality be, and how sensible soever he seems to be of it, the Man has for certain his Engines at work, the Mine is ready to be sprung on the first Opportunity, and ’tis well if it be not too late to prevent the poor Lady’s Ruin.

To wind up this Matter; If a Woman were duly principled, and taught to know the World, especially the true Sentiments that Men have of her, and the Traps they lay for her under so many gilded Compliments, and such a seemingly great Respect, that Disgrace would be prevented which is brought upon too many Families; Women would Marry more discreetly, and demean themselves better in a married State, than some People say they do. The Foundation, indeed, ought to be laid deep and strong, she should be made a good Christian, and understand why she is so, and then she will be every thing else that is Good. Men need keep no Spies on a Woman’s Conduct, need have no Fear of her Vertue, or so much as of her Prudence and Caution, were but a due Sense of true Honour and Vertue awaken’d in her; were her Reason excited and prepared to consider the Sophistry of those Temptations which would persuade her from her Duty; and were she put in a way to know that it is both her Wisdom and Interest to observe it: she would then duly examine and weigh all the Circumstances, the Good and Evil of a married State, and not be surprized with unforeseen Inconveniencies, and either never consent to be a Wife, or make a good one when she does. This would shew her what Human Nature is, as well as what it ought to be, and teach her not only what she may justly expect, but what she must be content with; would enable her to cure some Faults, and patiently to suffer what she cannot cure.

Indeed nothing can assure Obedience, and render it what it ought to be, but the Conscience of Duty, the paying it for God’s sake. Superiors don’t rightly understand their own Interest when they attempt to put out their Subjects Eyes to keep them Obedient. A blind Obedience is what a Rational Creature should never pay, nor would such an one receive it, did he rightly understand its Nature. For Human Actions are no otherwise valuable, than as they are conformable to Reason; but a blind Obedience is an Obeying without Reason, for ought we know, against it. God himself does not require our Obedience at this rate; he lays before us the Goodness and Reasonableness of his Laws, and were there any thing in them whose Equity we could not readily comprehend, yet we have this clear and sufficient Reason, on which, to found our Obedience, that nothing but what’s just and fit, can be enjoin’d by a Just, a Wise, and Gracious God; but this is a Reason will never hold in respect of Mens Commands, unless they can prove themselves Infallible, and consequently Impeccable too.

It is therefore very much a Man’s Interest, that Women should be good Christians; for in this, as in every other Instance, he who does his Duty, finds his own Account in it. Duty and true Interest are one and the same Thing, and he who thinks otherwise is to be pitied for being so much in the Wrong: But what can be more the Duty of the Head, than to instruct and improve those who are under Government? She will freely leave him the quiet Dominion of this World, whose Thoughts and Expectations are plac’d on the next. A Prospect of Heaven, and that only, will cure that Ambition which all generous Minds are fill’d with, not by taking it away, but by placing it on a right Object. She will discern a Time when her Sex shall be no Bar to the best Employments, the highest Honour; a Time when that Distinction, now so much us’d to her Prejudice, shall be no more; but, provided she is not wanting to her self, her Soul shall shine as bright as the greatest Heroe’s. This is a true, and indeed, the only Consolation; this makes her a sufficient Compensation for all the Neglect and Contempt the ill-grounded Customs of the World throw on her; for all the Injuries brutal Power may do her, and is a sufficient Cordial to support her Spirits, be her Lot in this World what it may.

But some sage Persons may, perhaps object, that were Women allow’d to improve themselves, and not, amongst other Discouragements, driven back by the wise Jests and Scoffs that are put upon a Woman of Sense or Learning, a Philosophical Lady, as she is call’d by way of Ridicule; they would be too wise, and too good for the Men: I grant it, for vicious and foolish Men. Nor is it to be wonder’d that He is afraid he should not be able to Govern them were their Understandings improv’d, who is resolv’d not to take too much Pains with his own. But these, ’tis to be hoped, are no very considerable Number, the Foolish at least; and therefore this is so far from being an Argument against Womens Improvement, that it is a strong one for it, if we do but suppose the Men to be as capable of Improvement as the Women; but much more, if, according to Tradition, we believe they have greater Capacities. This, if any thing, would stir them up to be what they ought, and not permit them to waste their Time and abuse their Faculties in the Service of their irregular Appetites and unreasonable Desires, and so let poor contemptible Women, who have been their Slaves, excel them in all that is truly excellent. This would make them Blush at employing an immortal Mind no better than in making Provision for the Flesh to fulfil the Lusts thereof, since Women, by a wiser Conduct, have brought themselves to such a Reach of Thought, to such Exactness of Judgment, such Clearness and Strength of Reasoning, such Purity and Elevation of Mind, such Command of their Passions, such Regularity of Will and Affection, and, in a Word, to such a Pitch of Perfection, as the Human Soul is capable of attaining in this Life by the Grace of God; such true Wisdom, such real Greatness, as though it does not qualify them to make a Noise in this World, to found or overturn Empires, yet it qualifies them for what is infinitely better, a Kingdom that cannot be mov’d, an incorruptible Crown of Glory.

Besides, it were ridiculous to suppose, that a Woman, were she ever so much improv’d, could come near the topping Genius of the Men, and therefore why should they envy or discourage her? Strength of Mind goes along with Strength of Body, and ’tis only for some odd Accidents which Philosophers have not yet thought worth while to enquire into, that the sturdiest Porter is not the wisest Man! As therefore the Men have the Power in their Hands, so there’s no Dispute of their having the Brains to manage it! Can we suppose there is such a Thing as good Judgment and Sense upon Earth, if it is not to be found among them: Do not they, generally speaking, do all the great Actions and considerable Business of this World, and leave that of the next to the Women? Their Subtlety in forming Cabals and laying deep Designs, their Courage and Conduct in breaking through all Tyes, sacred and civil, to effect them, not only advances them to the Post of Honour, and keeps them securely in it for twenty or thirty Years, but gets them a Name, and conveys it down to Posterity for some Hundreds; and who would look any further? Justice and Injustice are administred by their Hands, Courts and Schools are fill’d with these Sages; ’tis Men who dispute for Truth, as well as Men who argue against it: Histories are writ by them; they recount each other’s great Exploits, and have always done so. All famous Arts have their Original from Men, even from the Invention of Guns, to the Mystery of good Eating. And to shew that nothing is beneath their Care, any more than above their Reach, they have brought Gaming to an Art and Science, and a more Profitable and Honourable one too, than any of those that us’d to be call’d Liberal! Indeed, what is it they can’t perform, when they attempt it? The Strength of their Brains shall be every whit as conspicuous at their Cups, as in a Senate-House, and, when they please, they can make it pass for as sure a Mark of Wisdom, to drink deep, as to reason profoundly; a greater Proof of Courage, and consequently of Understanding, to dare the Vengeance of Heaven it self, than to stand the Raillery of some of the worst of their Fellow Creatures!

Again, it may be said, If a Wife’s Case be as it is here represented, it is not good for a Woman to marry, and so there’s an End of Human Race. But this is no fair Consequence, for all that can justly be inferr’d from hence, is, that a Woman has no mighty Obligations to the Man who makes Love to her; she has no Reason to be fond of being a Wife, or to reckon it a Piece of Preferment when she is taken to be a Man’s Upper-Servant; it is no Advantage to her in this World; if rightly manag’d it may prove one as to the next. For she who marries purely to do good, to educate Souls for Heaven, who can be so truly mortified as to lay aside her own Will and Desires, to pay such an intire Submission for Life, to one whom she cannot be sure will always deserve it, does certainly perform a more Heroick Action, than all the famous Masculine Heroes can boast of, she suffers a continual Martyrdom to bring Glory to God, and Benefit to Mankind; which Consideration, indeed, may carry her through all Difficulties, I know not what else can, and engage her to Love him who proves perhaps so much worse than a Brute, as to make this Condition yet more grievous than it needed to be. She has need of a strong Reason, of a truly Christian and well-temper’d Spirit, of all the Assistance the best Education can give her, and ought to have some good Assurance of her own Firmness and Vertue, who ventures on such a Trial; and for this Reason ’tis less to be wonder’d at that Women marry off in haste, for perhaps if they took Time to consider and reflect upon it, they seldom would marry.

To conclude. Perhaps I’ve said more than most Men will thank me for; I cannot help it, for how much soever I may be their Friend and humble Servant, I am more a Friend to Truth. Truth is strong, and some time or other will prevail; nor is it for their Honour, and therefore one would think not for their Interest, to be partial to themselves and unjust to others. They may fancy I have made some Discoveries, which, like Arcana Imperii, ought to be kept secret; but, in good earnest, I do them more Honour than to suppose their lawful Prerogatives need any mean Arts to support them. If they have usurp’d, I love Justice too much to wish Success and Continuance to Usurpations, which, though submitted to out of Prudence, and for Quietness sake, yet leave everybody free to regain their lawful Right whenever they have Power and Opportunity. I don’t say that Tyranny ought, but we find in Fact, that it provokes the Oppress’d to throw off even a lawful Yoke that fits too heavy: And if he who is freely elected, after all his fair Promises, and the fine Hopes he rais’d, proves a Tyrant, the Consideration that he was one’s own Choice, will not render one more Submissive and Patient, but I fear, more Refractory. For though it is very unreasonable, yet we see ’tis the Course of the World, not only to return Injury for Injury, but Crime for Crime; both Parties indeed are Guilty, but the Aggressors have a double Guilt, they have not only their own, but their Neighbour’s Ruin to answer for.

As to the Female Reader, I hope she will allow I’ve endeavoured to do her Justice; not betray’d her Cause as her Advocates usually do, under Pretence of defending it. A Practice too mean for any to be guilty of who have the least Sense of Honour, and who do any more than meerly pretend to it. I think I have held the Balance even, and not being conscious of Partiality, I ask no Pardon for it. To plead for the Oppress’d, and to defend the Weak, seem’d to me a generous Undertaking; for though it may be secure, ’tis not always Honourable, to run over to the strongest Party. And if she infers from what has been said, that Marriage is a very happy State for Men, if they think fit to make it so; that they govern the World, they have Prescription on their Side; Women are too weak to dispute it with them, therefore they, as all other Governors, are most, if not only, accountable for what’s amiss; for whether other Governments in their Original, were or were not confer’d according to the Merit of the Person, yet certainly in this Case, if Heaven has appointed the Man to govern, it has Qualified him for it: So far I agree with her: But if she goes on to infer, that therefore, if a Man has not these Qualifications, where is his Right? That if he misemploys, he abuses it? And if he abuses, according to modern Deduction, he forfeits it, I must leave her there. A peaceable Woman, indeed, will not carry it so far, she will neither question her Husband’s Right, nor his Fitness to govern, but how? Not as an absolute Lord and Master, with an arbitrary and tyrannical Sway, but as Reason governs and conducts a Man, by proposing what is just and fit. And the Man who acts according to that Wisdom he assumes, who would have that Superiority he pretends to, acknowledged just, will receive no Injury by any thing that has been offered here. A Woman will value Him the more who is so wise and good, when she discerns how much he excels the rest of his noble Sex; the less he requires, the more will he merit that Esteem and Deference, which those who are so forward to exact, seem conscious they don’t deserve. So then the Man’s Prerogative is not at all infring’d, whilst the Woman’s Privileges are secured; and if any Woman think her self injur’d, she has a Remedy in reserve, which few Men will envy, or endeavour to rob her of, the Exercise and Improvement of her Vertue Here, and the Reward of it Hereafter.