The mothercraft manual

by Mary L. Read

At the School of Mothercraft Summer Camp.

Emotions need training in expression, control, depth, and genuineness. Submission and easy contentment are not a virtue in childhood but a weakness. In a strong character, emotions are strong, and their expression strong, but needing guidance and poise. Any emotion,—for instance, love of country, of friends or parents,—should not be permitted to stop merely with the pleasurable sensation of excitement and emotional glow, but the child’s attention should be called directly and also by stories to the necessity for putting a generous emotion into active expression, by doing some helpful deed, or by carrying responsibility. This is the completion of the reflex arc. Tantrums and temper should be prevented whenever possible by forewarning the child, for instance, that play must end when the next block house has been finished. The new adjustment of emotions and expectations is slower in the child than in the adult, and needs forewarning. Some children develop an unpleasant forwardness or gushing, the former an overdeveloped individualism, the latter a childish sensualism, both superficial. Meeting these with indifference and inattention will usually reduce them automatically. The child of very intense or poorly controlled emotions needs careful attention in a regular, outdoor physical régime, the daily nap, rhythmic exercises and games which train in relaxation, and constant examples of even-tempered, well-poised character. The fear that commonly develops in the third or fourth year may be somewhat forestalled by teaching confidence through walking in the dark, acquaintance with living creatures, trust in a kindly Providence. Many stories of bravery should be told in the fearsome period, and poetry or verses taught that inspire courage and confidence. Fearsome stories are a crime against childhood, although later childhood and youth may thrive upon them. Control of emotions is gained in part through determination of will, in part through change of attention; the latter is the more natural and pedagogical method. Sense of humor should be cultivated for its moral value in relieving tension and carrying the individual through emotional stress, as well as for giving a clearer view of comparative values.

Will-training includes exercise of free choice in matters not of mere taste or whim but of reasoning and moral choice; and of continued effort against the call of inclination. Stubbornness is a refusal to yield, notwithstanding the evident reasonableness or the greater moral value, and is evidence of a weak will. It is now recognized as immoral to attempt to “break a child’s will”, compelling him to yield without attempting to show him the reasonableness. The burden of reasoning and moral choices in daily life should be placed upon the child as rapidly as he is able to exercise this wisely and with firmness, and he should be praised for his good will and shown the weakness of failure. Confidence expressed in his good will, especially when he is on his own honor, will strengthen this ability. Training in control of appetite for food, by regularity of meals, no eating between meals (especially of sweetmeats when on pleasure trips), the waiting at meals for the saying of grace and the serving of others, all strengthen the will for greater demands upon it in later years. Development of concentration in play and games is a training of will-power. Special exercises in motor balance and equilibrium, in endurance, in self-denial, can be devised as further will-training.

Eugenics and Sex Education. This is an education in social ideals and relations. Consideration for the child’s own future children is an instinctive ideal that can be naturally fostered in early childhood, and thereafter accepted as matter of course. Modesty, self-respect, respect for his or her own person, needs to be cultivated from infancy, in all the details of physical care and régime. As childhood develops into youth, the expression of affection needs to be increasingly circuited into thoughtful deeds of service, and away from mere direct sense pleasure and expression. Social relations between boys and girls at all ages should be treated sensibly, without silliness, emphasis of class distinctions, or morbidness. In both boys and girls should be cultivated a spirit of reserve, of chivalry and helpfulness. With youth, this may naturally be based on the ideal (which needs the merest suggestion) of worthy preparation for the future home, and the treating of other boys and girls as the child would have his or her future mate meantime treated by others. The significance of real monogamic marriage should be made clear, in its greater confidence and happiness between parents, and especially in the better care and training of the children. The child needs to be provided with inhibiting and controlling ideals before the stress of adolescence.

The child’s natural biological questions, which begin about three years, should be answered naturally, both poetically and scientifically. Through the study of plants, gardening, the care of birds and pets, enough of the principles of heredity, anatomy, and physiology should be given the child before seven years to satisfy his curiosity, to give him a scientific attitude toward reproduction before the development of sex-consciousness, and to enable him to classify the development of a new generation among the natural processes of nature, instead of overemphasizing and distorting its perspective. Emphasis should be placed upon the care of the young and forethought for their protection, rather than upon organs and processes. Scientific knowledge of biology gives necessary clearness of thought, but only training of emotions and will are effective for assuring conduct.

Economics. Thrift is taught by the toy bank, by the orderly care and repair of toys and clothing, the orderly saving of possibly useful odds and ends; in early childhood by a weekly allowance, even of a few pennies, with freedom in use, and with occasional discussions of what might be obtained with a stated sum. Promptness, accuracy, and thoroughness in obeying or in performing the tasks assigned in childhood, are preparation for industrial efficiency. In early childhood action is necessarily slower and movement awkward because of incomplete motor development. In later childhood a vision of engineering efficiency, a habit of working for reduction of time and energy cost, can be developed through competitions, direct reduction games or problems, discussions of the value of time and energy and of simple, fundamental ways for economizing. Through tracing the source of his own food and clothing, as well as through his own manual efforts, can be fostered respect for all labor and the ambition to work efficiently. Respect and appreciation for workers, especially those who serve his needs in the household, are developed chiefly through example of his elders.

Obedience. Commands and prohibitions should be the fewest necessary and chosen carefully. Given as a request or suggestion rather than a direct command, the form carries a sense of courtesy that develops sympathy, self-respect and more ready, whole-hearted compliance. Commands, when necessity requires, then have greater force. Any request or command should be given distinctly, definitely, kindly, firmly, with the requirement of the full attention of the child and complete, prompt obedience. Repetition of a command fosters inattention and disrespect for authority. Indifference to disobedience, yielding to teasing, permitting petty arguing, all foster evasion, falsehood, carelessness, disrespect for authority. Unnecessary, unreasonable, or inconsiderate commands develop contrariness, stubbornness, contempt, and weaken the child’s sympathy and comradeship. Inconsistency in commands, discipline, or punishment, or dogmatic stubbornness that will not consider the possibility of a change in the command or allow any discussion, brings contempt. Use positive, affirmative suggestions, telling the child what to do. Studiously avoid negative discipline, prohibitions, don’ts.

Discipline. The purpose of discipline should not be revenge or a cultivation of humiliation, or breaking the will of the child. It should be devised to lead the child to prefer the right; to think before he acts instead of acting merely upon impulse; to exercise his will-power and courage in obeying his conscience instead of following the line of least resistance by yielding to his whim, his appetites, or even to his instincts out of due season. Therefore a rational, consistent discipline must be well thought out for different typical situations before these arise, that it may be administered wisely, not impetuously or in anger. It must be just, firm, kindly, foresighted. As nearly as circumstances will permit, the child should learn through his personal experience and observation the consequences of action; and punishment should be, as far as practicable, a natural consequence of the act. Artificial rewards, especially in the form of material things as money, toys, candy, are demoralizing, developing a spirit of graft and discontent, dulling the moral and spiritual sense, and having the effects common to any artificial stimulants. Nagging, scolding, threats of punishment without its execution, cultivate a disrespect for all law and authority, as well as for the person thus weakly failing to exercise poise and authority. There is also a type of sentiment that easily becomes sentimentality, which is no less repugnant to the child. Cultivate the child’s self-respect, self-confidence and ambition. Avoid calling him bad or naughty.

Discipline should be adapted to the child’s temperament, to his stage of development, and to the particular offense. A sensitive, high-strung, imaginative child must be dealt with gently though firmly, with special care that his self-respect, his confiding, his expressiveness are not weakened. A sturdy, matter-of-fact, phlegmatic realist usually needs more concrete, vigorous, physical form of punishment to make him perceive the significance of events. The stubborn child may be benefited most by being given opportunity to prescribe his own punishment.

Some Natural Consequences as Punishments. Quarreling, disagreeableness, selfishness: being removed from play with other children. Temper: put quietly to bed, or left alone, or placed in bed with a cold cloth on the head; with some children, spanking, calmly administered. Biting, slapping or other personal injury: doing same to the offender, to demonstrate how it hurts. Impudence, vulgar words: mouth washed with soap and clean cloth. Lack of promptness: loss of consequent pleasure. Neglect in care of toys: temporary deprivation of toys. Careless work: repetition until satisfactory. Wanton injury of property: work, or giving of some valued personal property to pay for loss. Disobedience: putting to bed; deprivation of consequent pleasure.