and Doddridge's
"Awake, my soul, stretch every nerve,
And press with vigor on!"
Miss Ellis saying, at the end, "I have copied these, for they have more weight when written by those we know."
July 5, 1884.
... I will permit you to "unburden yourself" with as many pages as you see fit, at any time you feel disposed to do so, and promise not to be "bored." I, in my deafness, understand what it is to feel so utterly alone, though surrounded by dear, old, and tried friends. This lack of one congenial person or thing no one can appreciate but those who have experienced.... Remember, opinions separate us, but kindly deeds and affection draw us close to one another; and so pursue your studies patiently, striving to make yourself the kind of man you think one ought to be, and in attending church do it in the spirit of Jesus,—with the feeling of worshipping God, and cast aside all other feeling, knowing that those around you are doing what they feel to be best. Leave it to the Good Father to judge them, and in time to help them to see differently. We are judged by living up to the highest and best we know, and if others have not been so far enlightened as we, or have not been moved by the Spirit to seek higher light and truth, we must work in patience and leave them in the hands of God.... Only be true to your own convictions, and you will lead them by example rather than precept, unconsciously to them. Work on patiently, and God's promises will not fail you. It is a slow process to overcome one's many failures; but we shall come out conquerors at the last if we only will, and are earnest in our endeavors.... After two weeks our churches will close for the summer, but my congregation will still be ministered to. I go to the church during vacation every two weeks to lend books to any who desire them.
November 16, 1884.
I feel for you greatly in your isolation; but comfort yourself in the thought that the generality of Unitarian ministers are cut off from all companionship with ministers of other denominations where they are settled, and are seldom permitted to enter into charities, where they are, with other ministers. It has been the case ever since the days of Jesus, that those who really hold his views are separated from others in the community. But as you say, and many more say, "if we have God alone, that is enough." I cannot consider myself a "theist" entirely, but might call myself a "Christian theist." I have come to know God as manifested through Jesus, but have as much respect for those who do as Jesus did, and who have as firm a trust in the Father as Jesus had. Think that is what Jesus taught, and labored to have no man worship him. "There is none good but One," he said; "why callest thou me good?" Though I value Jesus, I do not worship him, or feel that he is my support in life. I only look to him in difficulties and trials to show me the way to the Father. I ask to worship and to live in his spirit and so gain strength from the Father wherewith to do. You and others look more to men of later date, who have learned from others nearer to them; but if we trace it all back to the beginning, we will find it is Jesus' spirit working through them. So one and all, whoever they are, wherever found, who have the spirit of Christ, are the sons of God, whether they call themselves merely theists, or Christian theists, it seems to me. George Eliot was truly religious, though perhaps not a Christian in the common acceptation.
December 27, 1884.
I do not know as I "have ever realized the depths of absolute negations," but I have realized the depths of absolute solitude, and can sympathize with you in your loneliness, and "think it a good thing to keep the Eternal and Infinite always in view, and so love quiet, solitude, and meditation. They strengthen me to do my work in life." Do not despair, then, if you are despondent at times. Every one is, and it is good for us to some extent to be disgusted with ourselves; it makes us know ourselves. "The dark hours of life bring us nearer to our fellow-men, help us to know ourselves and bring us nearer to God." God has put these questionings into you for some wise purpose. Be true to your highest and best self, and work them out by degrees. But remember you are young yet, and there is time for you to solve all these mysteries in. Do not try to solve all the great questions of life at once. Be patient, and do not brood too much. Meditation and solitude are good, but try to mingle somewhat with those around you. See God in the world about you, as well as in the stars. I would like to dwell longer upon your letter, but perhaps I shall bring you out of doubt by giving you something to do. [She then proposes a bit of work for him to undertake.] ... Our doubts and mysteries are solved sometimes by setting to work on things we are pondering over.