The Cardinal, who was a holy man, stopped to listen to me; and hoping to please the Lord in extending his charity towards me, he turned to his domestics, saying, “Take this poor wretch in your arms, and convey him into my chamber; there let these rags be taken from off him, furnish him with clean linen, lay him in my own bed, and have another prepared for me in the next apartment.” These orders were instantly obeyed. O charity which may serve for an example to other prelates, who in general consider Heaven as indebted to them, when they pay the slightest attention to the misery of the poor! The Cardinal did not stop here, but sent for two of the most celebrated surgeons in Rome, desiring them to examine my leg, and do every thing in their power to cure it; and after having promised to reward them well for their trouble, he left them to their own proceedings.
On the faith of this promise, the surgeons immediately began to inspect my ulcer, which at first seemed to them incurable. Mortification seemed already to have taken place. This was occasioned, however, by nothing but the herbs I had applied, and could only last for a certain time, after which, by omitting the application, my leg would have been restored to its natural healthy state. They then threw off their cloaks, drew out their cases, and ordered some fire to be brought them in a chaffing-dish, some fine white linen, and some eggs and milk. While all these things were preparing, they began to question me concerning my disorder, how long I had been afflicted with it, and if I knew how I first came by it? if I drank any wine? what I was accustomed to eat? In short, they asked me all the questions usual with persons of their profession on such occasions, to which I was not able to answer a word, so dreadfully frightened was I at the terrible preparations that were making before my eyes. I knew not what Saint I could presume to implore, for I could not flatter myself that there was one to be found in Heaven willing to intercede for such a knave as myself. I began to reflect on what had so recently happened to me at Gaeta, and could scarcely hope to escape in this instance with so slight a punishment.
The surgeons, after having turned my leg in all directions twenty times over, retired into another chamber, to discourse together, and communicate their observations to each other more privately. I was terribly alarmed as to what would be the result of this consultation, not knowing but they might decide on cutting my leg off. I leaped straightway out of bed, therefore, to follow and listen to them, fully resolving to confess the truth, if I should find they had determined upon amputation. I approached the door, and while I listened most attentively to their conversation, heard one of these sages say to the other: “We may make a good job of this, brother, if we can understand each other; the leg is dreadfully inflamed, and must take a long time to cure.” “You certainly must be jesting,” answered the other, “there is no more inflammation on that leg than on my hand: it is a description of disorder which I am sure I can convince you may be removed in less than two days.” “Do not believe it,” replied he who had first spoken; “by St. Comas, I flatter myself I have some knowledge in ulcers, and I do maintain that this is a decided mortification.” “No, no,” retorted the other; “believe me, our patient is an arrant rogue, and has no real disorder whatever to complain of; I know well enough how a sham ulcer may be raised, for I have often met with similar cases, and can even tell you the herbs this impostor has made use of to reduce his leg into its present apparently diseased state.”
The surgeon who had been my dupe was quite abashed at these words; but thinking that it concerned his reputation to persist in his first assertion, he would not yield to his comrade’s opinion. The dispute would have grown very hot between them, had not the second surgeon been politic enough to terminate it by entreating his brother to examine the leg afresh. “Just inspect it again,” said he, “and you will no longer doubt the deception.” “Willingly,” replied the other; “and if I find the ulcer such as you have affirmed, I will readily yield to your judgment.” “That is not enough,” replied the former; “in acknowledging your error, you must also agree that I deserve to have a greater share of the profits than you.” “By no means,” cried his companion; “do not take so much merit to yourself for such a discovery, which I might have made without your assistance. I insist that we share equally whatever fees his Eminence may give us.” They disputed afresh on this point, and their quarrel grew so high that they came at length to the resolution of laying the full particulars of the case before the Cardinal.
When I found how things were likely to end, I hesitated no longer, but entered the room suddenly, threw myself at their feet, and with tears in my eyes, (for I had a peculiar talent in being able to cry when I would) addressed them in these words:—“Take compassion, my dear gentlemen, on one who is but a man like yourselves. You well know that the rich are so hard-hearted now-a-days, that it is impossible for the poor to excite their pity, otherwise than by covering themselves with wounds and sores, and that it is but seldom that we can obtain any thing but the most miserable pittance even by these means. What can you gain by discovering my knavery? you will lose the reward which has been promised you, which cannot escape you if you can consent that we all three concert matters together. You may safely venture to place confidence in me, for the fear of punishment will insure my discretion.”
The surgeons, after a little reflection, made up their minds to profit by this opportunity of touching the Cardinal’s money. This was no sooner agreed than we returned to his Eminence’s chamber, where they seated me on a chair, and began to re-examine my leg, which they plastered up with the drugs they considered most likely to make the sore last as it was. They then bound it up, and wrapped a napkin round it, and, observing the Cardinal enter the room at that very instant, took me up in their arms to keep up appearances, and placed me on the bed again. His Eminence, who was extremely uneasy on account of my ulcer, inquired about it immediately. “My Lord,” said one of the surgeons with a grave countenance, “this poor lad’s situation is truly pitiable; his leg is already mortified; we trust, however, that with God’s assistance, we may be able to do something for him, but his cure must be the work of time.” “It is most fortunate for him,” said the other surgeon, “that he has this day fallen into our hands; one day more must have proved fatal; and Heaven had certainly ordained that his life should be saved by sending him to the door of your Eminence.”
The Cardinal was extremely pleased at this report, and told them that they might take as much time as they pleased, provided they cured me in the end. He besought them afresh to neglect nothing that might contribute to my recovery, promising that he would see that I should be well treated in his house. They assured him that his confidence should not be misplaced, and that they would not fail, one or other of them, to call and see me twice a day; for that it would be necessary for them to consult together upon the slightest change that might take place in my disorder. After this they withdrew, and left me more at ease in my mind; for to this moment I had been very suspicious of these two treacherous rascals, lest they should expose my knavery while they pretended to be accomplices. These unconscionable dogs obliged me to keep my chamber for three months, which appeared three ages to me, so difficult is it to lose the desire for gaming and begging. In vain did I lie in a fine bed; in vain did I fare like his Eminence himself; nothing could recompense me for such confinement. At length, I pressed, I tormented my surgeons so eternally to bring this comedy to an end, that they were obliged at last to yield to my importunities. They left my ulcer, therefore, to take its course, and when they found that my leg was restored to its natural state, acquainted the good Cardinal with it, who was quite astonished at so wonderful a cure, and dismissed these quacks, after having paid them much more than they deserved. His Eminence had been so kind as to pay me several visits during the course of my pretended illness. I had frequent conversations with this holy prelate, who having discovered in me a sort of wit which pleased him, had taken a great fancy to me. As a proof of which he proposed and seemed to wish to take me into his service, among the number of his pages; an honour which was too gratifying to me to think of refusing.
CHAP. XXVI.
Guzman becomes page to the Cardinal, and commits a thousand mischievous tricks in his service.
Thus did I all of a sudden become a page. This was in truth a fine leap for me, although between knave and page there is no difference but their dress, for their propensities are precisely the same; it served, however, to amuse me, and prevented my growing idle, though I felt like a fish out of water in my new employment. As a beggar I was in my element; accustomed to the soups of Egypt, I felt myself at home no where but in the tavern. I was, therefore, by no means pleased by the life I led in this house, where every thing was regulated by rule and compass; where at one time I was employed with a flambeau in my hand running up or down stairs, to light our visitors as they entered or left the house, and at another was obliged to dance attendance in the ante-chamber, kicking my heels there for about two hours, until I received my orders. Always in readiness to follow carriages by night as well as by day, or to wait at table and devour with my eyes only all the dishes that were served up; in a word, it was necessary for me to be at hand on all occasions, and that not for a few days only, but from the first day of January to the last of December.