Now, Mr. Diry, can you wunder at my feelin sum wot tired after such a xperiense, and a tedjus ride down from Troy? Prap's you may consider me a liar. If you do, you are mistakin, cos every wurd I have rittin in you to nite is the solium truth, without “any prevaricashun, eggsagerashun, or magnifycashun, and besides that, every-bodie wot knoes me, sinse I packed away my petty cotes, will tell you, I'm a littel Georgie Washinton.
CHAPTER XVI.
HE REPORTS A DRY GOODS OPENIN.—A XPENSIV KOSTUM WOT FINDS
ITS WAY TO THE STABLISHMENT OF A JURNULISTICK MILLYUN-HAIR.—
FEMMERNINE FEMMERNINITY'S, WITH MICE AS APPENDAGES.—THE
NEET THING IN A HAT.
To-day was the grand openin of fall and winter stiles at all the big Dry Goods and Millernery stores. Clara Bell, wot does up that bisness for the Buster had gone and got completely brok up on a 50 dollar bonnet, wot she sed was the cutest little thing she ever seen, so she had to go rite up to Hackensaw, and see if she couldnt squeeze the munny outer her old bachler unkel, wot dotes on her. Mr. Gilley wuld of discharged her ony he'd forgot to pay her sellary up in full for the last six months, so he had to make the best of it, and send me out ter report it in her place.
The followin' is wot'll appear in termorrer mornin's Buster:
“The first place our repraysentertiv peramberlated hisself to was Lords & Tailor's. He was met at the dore by a aggressiv dude, to hoom he persented his paist-bord, and who immejeatly put him in charge of a demminutiv casheer, wot scorted him to the maid-up soot department. This department was feerfully crowded with ladies, wot were passin complerments on the dresses.
“The most expensiv soot on exherbishun was 'mported from Paris, and is maid with a red and green pettycote, bilt up together so as it'd look like a checkherbord. Over this pettycote, and runnin down the back, from the waste, in underlatin hills and valley's, wot was formed of a lot of the cheep, two-for-a-cent metrypollytan jurnals, was a skie blu sattin coursage, with a long trane, The front of the skurt was composed of a lot of curlykues, suspended from the sides, louped up in the middle, and maid of illushunairy stuff, so you culd see the pettycote. The hull bisness was blowd up like the upper half of a belloon, ony a little more so. Over all this was a pollynays, with panyers xtendin from the neck, down to the waste line and maid titer'an durnashun.
“This kostume is the creashun of Wurth, the maskerline millerner, and cost 5 thousand dollars. It was 'mported xpressley for the wife of a up town plummer, but since she sent on her messures, she's been living so high that the steem derrick, wot she bort a purpose, has utterly failed to lace her korsets tite enuf for her to get inter the dress. Wile our representertiv was present, the kostume was purchased by the wife of the milyun-hair editur, of the Sarrytoga Eagle for 48 hundred dollars cash.
“A sweeter'an-a-peech littel dudine, informed us, in reply to our questshuns, that jurseys, would be worn dubbel brested behind. That the regulashun bussel wuld containe at least six New York Heralds, covered over with a Texas Siftins, for the bennyfit of the occupants of the church pue, in the reer of the warer. That crin-nylines wuld average 4 feet, six inches, in diameter, and wuld be pervided with the new anti-ankel-xposin spiral springs. That basks wuld be cut very low, and filled in with gripher lace. That corsets wuld be pervided with rachets and set screws, to nabel them to be drawn more titely round the waste. That owin to the relertiv cheepness of wool, and its qualerty of xpandin, sted of shrinkin, it wuld ntirely tak the place of cotton as a indyspenserble adjunct in making up the fashuneebel wimmin. In reply to our inquisertiv reporters last query, the young ladie blushed way up b'hind her eers, and xclamed: 'Oh, you horrid noosepaper man! Dont chew kno, flutin wil allwas remane in stile?'