Peter (indignant):—“I? to those? Rather not! What is your Honor thinking of?” (Laughter in the courtroom.)
Judge:—“Refrain from all improper remarks! Raise your hand and take the oath.”
Peter:—“Oh, but really your Honor, that’s too much.”
Judge (rises and cries furiously):—“I’ll have you arrested, if you dare to contradict again. Raise your hand and repeat the oath after me.” (Peter does it meekly.)
Judge:—“And now what have you to say?”
Peter:—“The Colonel sends his regards, and asks you to come to dinner to-night at eight o’clock. The deer he shot yesterday has arrived.”
Judge:—“What on earth—— Aren’t you a witness?”
Peter:—“No, your Honor; I’m the Colonel’s orderly. Not finding you at home I came here; and when I asked for you, the Constable showed me in here.”
A Pointed Suggestion
A celebrated lawyer was pleading a case before a famous judge, and made such daring assertions that he roused the latter into saying: “Well, if this is law, I’m going home to burn all my books.”