CHAPTER VI. MARRIAGE CUSTOMS—DEATH CUSTOMS.
When a youth wishes to marry, he does not go to his father and ask for a wife. Such a course would be most disrespectful, and altogether wanting in etiquette. The young men before marriage are not supposed to make requests, or to converse much with their elders. Their duties are chiefly those of herds; the elder boys or youths looking after the cattle, and the smaller boys guarding the sheep and calves. But to return, when a youth wishes to marry, he gets up very early one morning and takes out his father's cattle to the pasture without milking the cows, and lets the calves run with their mothers and drink all the milk. No notice of this is taken on his return, and the same course is pursued by him for thirty days. All his companions leave him severely alone, and nickname him "the silly one." On the thirtieth day his father says, "Surely my son wants to get married." This remark is repeated to the youth, and the next day the cattle return to their former habits and are milked as usual, but on the first morning of their milking the youth must do it unaided. All this milk is then poured into a pot and made into butter. The butter is boiled and poured into a new pot, and kept to anoint the prospective bridegroom's face. No questions are asked as to whom the youth wishes to marry. His wishes are very secondary considerations, and not to be weighed for a moment against those of his father. If the wife selected by his father does not happen to be the "lady of his heart," he is at liberty to choose a second wife for himself, as soon as he can pay the dowry or persuade his father to pay it for him, for when he is a married man, he is on an equality with his father, and can consult him or ask for his help.
After the episode with the cattle, the youth's father will select a girl, and go to talk over matters with her father. After they have agreed as to the number of cattle required for the dowry, about a month is allowed to elapse, at the end of which time the cattle are chosen (as a rule, thirty head are required, but occasionally fifteen or twenty, with a horse or a few sheep and goats thrown in, will suffice). The bridegroom's father prepares a small feast, the mother makes a large quantity of "leting" (mild beer), and all the friends and relations on his side regale themselves. The bridegroom then takes out the remaining cattle to pasture, while his father and male friends start off with the dowry. Some little distance before they reach the bride's home two cattle are chosen from the herd, a male and a female, to represent the bridegroom's parents; these are driven at a gallop through the village and into the kraal. This is supposed to represent the impatience of the parents to welcome their new daughter. The other cattle are driven leisurely along, the herds lustily singing the Basuto wedding song. These cattle are also shut up in the kraal on their arrival. All the relations and friends of the bride then seat themselves on one side of the entrance to the kraal, while the bridegroom's procession sit on the opposite side. For a short time dead silence prevails, until the bride's father (who hitherto has not appeared) joins the party and greets the strangers, after which every one is allowed to talk. The bull and heifer are then driven out and commented upon after the usual manner, very fulsome remarks and compliments being exchanged. No girls must be seen anywhere about, and the bride must be shut up in her father's hut, and the mother in another hut by herself.
After a few pleasantries the bride's father goes to tell his wife his opinion of the cattle. He then calls for "Juala" (strong beer), the first pot being given to the two men who drove in the bull and heifer. After they have drunk as much as they can, they say—
"We are coming to borrow a cup of water for our son."
The bride's father asks—"How many cattle have you brought?"
They reply "Thirty," or whatever the number may be.
The cattle are then counted, and every one drinks again.