"Well, it's time that business men begun to take a little interest in the cost of what they are eating, Mawruss," Abe said. "On account of the increase in the price of food, Mawruss, the business man is now paying more money to all the people which is working for him, except his wife."
"Sure, I know," Morris said, "but the business man which is mean enough to hold down his wife to twenty dollars a week housekeeping money simply because the principle of the closed shop and collective bargaining can't be applied to an American household the way it could to a Turkish harem, Abe, don't live so well as he used to. Former times when such a man complained to his wife that the chicken was a little tough, y'understand, she used to say, 'What do you want for twenty dollars a week housekeeping money—mocking-birds?' Nowadays, however, the best that such a man has got to complain about being tough is round steak, and his wife now says, 'What do you want for twenty dollars a week housekeeping money—chicken?'"
"And the standard of living for even business men is going down so fast, Mawruss, that next year when such a man complains that the tripe is tough, she is going to say, 'What do you expect for twenty dollars a week housekeeping money—round steak?'" Abe said, "and if them packers goes on trying to control the entire bill of fare from soup to cereals, Mawruss, it would only be a matter of a few years when such a husband is going to complain that the puffed jute is tough, and his wife is going to ask him, 'What do you expect for twenty dollars a week housekeeping money—ensilage?' which, if something ain't done pretty soon to stop dealers boosting the price of food, Mawruss, twenty dollars a week housekeeping money ain't going to feed a family of hearty-eating canary-birds."
"I suppose that in the end, Abe, the business man would be obliged to admit that the high cost of living is just as expensive for his wife as it is for his other employees," Morris concluded, "and, without the formality of a strike, the wives of business men will be conceded a new wage-scale of from thirty to forty dollars, in place of the old scale of twenty dollars, for a working-week of one hundred and sixty-eight hours, because it don't make no difference if the Senate confirms the League of Nations or not, Abe, married business men will never live up to the clause which provides for an international working-day of eight hours—anyhow, so far as their wives is concerned."
"That ain't the only clause of the Peace Treaty which wouldn't be lived up to, Mawruss," Abe said, "because I see that already the Germans is having their troubles restoring to the British government this here skull of the Sultan Mkwiwa, Mawruss, which, according to Section Eight, I think it is, of the Treaty of Peace, was removed from German East Africa and taken to Germany."
"But the Germans claim that it was never taken from German East Africa, but was buried there, and they misremember the name of the cemetery," Morris declared.
"I know they do, and I couldn't understand their attitude in the matter, Mawruss," Abe said. "Why don't they go to work and send England any old skull, which a skull is a skull, ain't it?—and one skull is just as much like another skull as two pinochle decks with the same backs, and who is going to check them up on it no matter what kind of a skull they send? Besides, Mawruss, the people who had pull enough to get that skull section inserted in the Treaty of Peace is going to be divided into two classes when that skull arrives in East Africa, anyway—namely, those who will throw a bluff that they recognized the skull as the sultan's skull as soon as they laid eyes on it, y'understand, and those who will refuse to concede that any skull is the sultan's skull. There will also, of course, be a large class of East Africans who won't give a nickel one way or the other; so if Germany couldn't find the sultan's skull, let them send England an ersatz sultan's skull with a genwine sultan's label on it. They've been doing that sort of thing for years with American safety-razors, American folding-cameras, and American typewriters; why should they now take it so particular with a German East African sultan?"
"Then you think there is something suspicious about the way Germany is acting over this here skull?" Morris suggested.
"I wouldn't call it exactly suspicious, Mawruss," Abe said, "but at the same time I wouldn't put it beyond the Germans that, after the Allies gets through discussing together whether or not the sultan's skull is genwine, they would suddenly awake to the fact that at least two of the million-mark bills which Germany paid over in the indemnity, y'understand, are not. So, therefore, my advice to England is, examine the German indemnity carefully, and don't let no returned sultan's skull distract your attention, even if it would be made of plaster of Paris with a round hold on top for keeping matches in it, and on the bottom a sign, reading:
"Grüss Aus Schveningen."