CORRESPONDENCE AND INVITATIONS
Section 1. Correspondence is a thing which every man should be able to do well in all its branches, whether social or business, whether formal or otherwise, whether brief or extended in its subject-matter. A gentleman should always be able to write sensible letters, and to the point, without deviating from the general topic. When corresponding with other men keep strictly, unless with a very close friend, to the subject in question. But when writing to ladies the rule is different. To adhere so exactly to the topic of discussion is significant of a desire to have the matter through with. Always add further casual remarks tending to show an interest beyond the duty of correspondence. The ladies’ writing rule is just the reverse.
It does very well to insert, here and there, witty remarks to break the monotony of a lengthy epistle. Above all, it is advised to abstain from putting in writing any words imparting affection or soliciting such from the lady. Write your letter in one complete part; that is, let all you have to say be penned upon any number of sheets you may desire, but be sure it is between the head address and your signature. Never add a postscript; this in letters, like a parenthesis in sentences, has the appearance of poor construction.
Do not write crosswise on the paper, and avoid blotting the same. Also see that you never write to a lady on office paper, or any which is ink-lined, for your social corresponding paper should always have a crest or monogram at the top, and such would not appear well or to advantage on that which is lined. If you desire ruled paper, let the lines be such as are pressed into it during manufacture. Lastly, never use hotel paper, except in the summer, and then only when traveling or visiting without a trunk, which should always contain every necessity of a trip.
If it is formal, a lady’s letter should be answered immediately, if there is the least hint of a reply in it, but without such hint the gentleman must not answer. If it is informal, he must, if requested to reply, do so immediately, otherwise he may suit himself, but within a limit of one month; later, politeness would be at stake. But the lady should not be expected to answer in either case to your letter unless she feels so disposed, or you show good reasons why she should, and expressly request her to do so.
Formal correspondence can be indulged in between any persons who may be related, very dear friends, or even mere acquaintances. With the first two classes, a gentleman can correspond formally at any and all times, unless expressly solicited not to do so by the lady’s parents, or guardians, or herself. But in the last case he must have a request to offer or an answer to return, and it should be very formal, implying by its very subject-matter that necessity caused the correspondence. When writing a formal note to a lady acquaintance, without her consent, merely sign your name to the matter and place therein your card, such as is described in Sec. 8, Actions Indoors. Never write your address beneath the signature, or, as is sometimes done, above the head address, in this class of notes.… But informal and lengthy correspondence only pertains to, and can be exercised at all times by, very dear friends, fiancés, or very dear relatives. Acquaintances must be subjected to the rule of formality of correspondence, till they have reached the relation of friend, which can be acquired only after eight or ten meetings, when there has been sufficient conversation to establish what the parties mutually agree to constitute fast friendship.
2. Invitations are so many and varying in their nature, that it is generally difficult to say what kind of a reply, and how soon, should be given. But all can be summed up in a few divisions, viz.: Reception, Dance, and Wedding invitations. (a) Reception invitations are never to be replied to, unless accompanied with an informal invitation to an after-reception dance, bearing an R. S. V. P., when a few days can be permitted to elapse before replying thereto. (b) A wedding invitation, like the reception, needs no reply, except under the same conditions as annexed to reception invitations. But dances are the subjects for which dozens of different kinds of invitations are issued, when it is decidedly difficult to ascertain the exact time, or answer as desired by the inviter. The answer depends upon the number of inviters included in the invitation; the time upon the number of days intervening before the date of the event; if two weeks, the regular time allotted, then an immediate reply is necessary (exceptions in subscription dances). If two or three ladies or gentlemen, or both, are the inviters, then address the reply to the one so selected as secretary for the reception of replies, and of course sign your name on the completion of the reply; then in the left-hand lower corner, pen, “Politeness to”; then write, one beneath the other, the names of all the inviters, including the secretary last; this shows that the reply is politely tendered to all. In a subscription dance, an invitation for all and every date of dances is usually sent out six weeks before date of first meeting, in which case three or four weeks at the most can be allowed to pass; but no matter when the invitation is received, if two or six weeks prior to the first meeting, always reply at least two weeks before such first date. Dinners, teas, breakfasts, etc., are the same as dances as to time and answer. Invitations by card to call are not to be answered, but should be acknowledged in person, as soon after their reception as possible. Invitations to subscription dances need only be addressed to the secretary or inviter.
