Politeness is called for in every turn a gentleman may make, whether among ladies or gentlemen, or inferiors, in society or in business, among relatives, acquaintances, friends, or strangers.
2. An insult is not to be recognized when offered by an inferior; pay no attention to such, unless it is followed by violence, or when it places you in an awkward position in presence of equals, and even then, if from one decidedly inferior, or a woman, do not return it, but summon the agents of the law to rid you of the nuisance. If an equal, it is at your own option whether or not you resent the insult, which can be done by the use of irony; thus, though an implied return of the insult, your resentment is on its face politeness itself. Duels are not allowable in America, and seldom in any country. A deadly insult is now usually looked upon by society as a just cause of expulsion of the insulter from its ranks, as no longer worthy of the name of gentleman; for modern society is more just than the society in the days of knighthood, when a gross insult would be looked upon with favor, as but a preliminary to a test of skill at arms. All the remedy a gentleman has in this age is either an apology from his opponent, or the future avoidance and non-recognition of him, or, in extreme cases, a resort to the law.
3. The most indifferent, collected, firm, and blasé of society men are susceptible to embarrassments. No matter how sure you may be of being proof against them, there always comes a time when the firm foundation is undermined by a sudden inpour of unforeseen circumstances, which brings your guarded and fortified walls of conceit and coolness to earth, and tends to humble your pride. Now, many society men hold that a man should never become embarrassed under any circumstances. Not so; there are instances where to remain unmoved and indifferent to embarrassment would show an uncultured exercise of politeness. For example, how could a gentleman, having spoken to his companion of a third party in an insulting manner, refrain from embarrassment when that companion subsequently turns up and presents the third person, who thereupon reproaches him for his prior insinuation and insult? Yet in ninety-nine cases out of every hundred the gentle and polite society men remain unmoved and unembarrassed, making excuses and stating falsely. Yet they leave impressions of impoliteness and rudeness upon the minds of their victims. Suit the necessity of embarrassment to the occasion. Only if he has shown marked impoliteness or rudeness, or both, need a gentleman show concern subsequent to his remark or manner.
4. Temper is the last subject for discussion here; but it is not by any means the least in importance. In fact, if it were not for a proper control and exercise of temper, there would hardly be necessity for elucidating half the subjects already so defined. The temper should never be displayed under circumstances pertaining to society proper. That is, to your equals a tranquil nature and manner should always be shown, no matter how trying the position. To inferiors temper should not be shown while in sight or hearing of equals, and even when alone with servants or agents only in case of breach of duty, and then should merely be shown sufficiently far to make a reprimand more severe. In fact there are so many remedies for circumstances tending to rouse the temper that it should be done away with as a bad habit. When you do so far forget your politeness as to allow the temper to rise, be sure that it is not directed to a lady.
