“My dear child, now you ask of me more than I know. But you may rest assured upon this point. If any woman exerts influence over him, and has used that influence to bring about your husband’s return to Russia, her motive and power are purely political. You know that Sergius has been very much involved with secret societies, and your knowledge of his character ought to assure you that nothing but the most irresistible claims upon him could have induced him to leave you at this juncture, to return to a country of which every inch is fraught with danger to him.”
“Then I ought to be with him! Is it right that I should remain in a land of peace and safety, while he rushes into the jaws of death?”
“My dear child, his chances of security are much better while he is alone. If you were with him, he would perhaps have to neglect the duty to which he is called, in order to watch over your safety.”
“And suppose he did?”
“Then he would meet certain and speedy death which you would no doubt share.”
“I don’t understand you.”
“Perhaps not. I had better be more explicit. Years ago, your husband joined a society which had for its object the removal of the Emperor Alexander. It is one of the rules of this society that its members shall unhesitatingly perform any duty which the Executive Council may deem necessary for the welfare of the country. A ballot decides which of the members shall undertake any given task. Sergius has hitherto escaped the ballot. But, even as he almost ran from the house, he said that his turn had come; that he could not bid you farewell himself, and that if we never saw him again, we would know that he had done his duty. You think me cruel to tell you all this, dear; but I know your strong sense of what is right, and am sure that you would rather think of Sergius as dead than as one who could betray either his country or his wife.”
Think of him as dead!
Sometimes, when I remember that scene, I wonder how it is that I did not go mad. Or that the phantom mockery of joy which had again eluded me did not leave brain and heart alike seared with hatred of all mankind.
But, after all, both hearts and brains can bear an enormous strain ere they fail their owners, and mine proved themselves to be at least of average strength. They both survived this new ordeal, and soon after this I was back in my dressing-room, anxiously trying to reduce into less chaotic sequence the thoughts which chased each other through my mind.