Was Sergius really lost to me forever? And was the errand he was bent upon as terrible as Nina’s words suggested?
Alas! what room for doubt was left me? He belonged to a secret society, which had for its object the removal of the Emperor Alexander. There was only one way in which an obscure society could compass that removal.
Its members would no doubt term it justice. The world would call it assassination. But to me the contemplated deed had only one name by which it could be fitly designated—murder! That was what was meant. And look where I would, that self-same word stared me in the face with demoniac persistence.
Murder! Good Heaven! was my whole life to be darkened by its foul environment? Did not my poor old earl become its victim? And was not my own sister an object of secret horror to me because I knew her to have worshiped at its shrine?
And now my newly-wedded husband, who was dearer to me than aught else on the face of the earth, was being drawn into its fearsome toils! What was it to me that he believed the czar to be a tyrant and oppressor, and that he was but doing the bidding of his superiors in office? Whatever the motive, or whatever the provocation, the deed would be the same. I have, I think, a strong sense of the duty owing to one’s country. But, if a Charlotte Corday had been my ancestress, I should have made a very degenerate descendant; for I prefer moral suasion to physical force, and the assassination of the most objectionable tyrant would weigh on my conscience like lead.
And, since Sergius was now part and parcel of my being, everything that touched him touched me. Could I bear the thought that the guilt of murder lay on his conscience—on our conscience? I knew that I could not, and I prayed God to forbid that this evil thing should come to pass. Prayer alone would not avail me, I knew, since God helps those who help themselves. I must act, if I would compass my desire.
Yet what, after all, could I do? After an hour’s almost maddened thought I succeeded in forming something like a definite plan of action. I would follow Sergius as quickly as a fast through service could take me. As to whither I was to follow him must be speedily discovered, else I might arrive on the spot too late to effect my purpose.
Said purpose was to frustrate the errand upon which my husband had been summoned. If I succeeded in doing so, what would be the consequences to him? Would the secret society to which he belonged, on finding its mandates outraged, avenge itself upon him? And would the salvation of his soul from bloodguiltiness prove his own death knell?
Truly, it was hard for me to know my own duty. But in one respect I did not hesitate. I was determined to follow my husband to Russia as soon as possible, in order that, if an opportunity offered, I might at least be on the spot to do what seemed right.
But, first, I must discover exactly where Sergius had gone to. And I must so comport myself as to hide my real intentions from Prince Michaelow and his wife. Otherwise they might decline to give me the information I sought, since I could not expect them to enter into all my thoughts and feelings respecting my husband’s expedition.