Not long after this, my husband brought me a message from Eliza R. Snow. She wanted me to take tea with her, and he urged me to accept the invitation. I did not want to go, for I knew too well her object in sending for me. She had been talking with my husband about me, I felt sure, and that was how she came to send the message by him. I went, however, and, as I anticipated, she wanted to talk with me about Polygamy, and to try to convince me that it was for our best interests that my husband should take another wife, and that it was quite time he did so.
I told her that he was not yet in a position to do so. “We have quite a family,” I said, “and I think he should at least be allowed to wait until he has accumulated a little before he embarrasses himself with new responsibilities.”
“And where would the kingdom of God be,” she asked, “if we had all talked in this way? Let your husband take more wives, and let them help him, and you will feel blessed in keeping the commands of God.”
“There would be no good in my husband taking another wife,” I said, “while I feel as I do now. To be acceptable to the Lord, a sacrifice should be made willingly and in a proper spirit, and I do not think that under present circumstances it is proper for him to do this thing.”
“Let him be the judge of that,” she replied; “do not seek to control him; he alone is responsible, and therefore let him do as he thinks best.”
“But,” I said, “he himself does not want another wife yet.” But I spoke with hesitation, for my heart misgave me.
“You are mistaken,” she answered; “your husband is a very good man, and desires to live his religion, and it is a great grief to him to know that you feel as you do, and you really must try to overcome your opposition. If you had a loaf of bread to make, and you made it, and it was pronounced good, do you think it would be of the slightest consequence what feelings agitated your mind while you were making it, so long as it was well made? So it is with the Lord. He does not care with what feelings you give your husband another wife, so long as you do so.”
This was a miserable attempt at reasoning, to say nothing of its falsity; and notwithstanding all she said, I still felt that no blessing would ever attend an unwilling sacrifice, and I told her so. She spoke to me very kindly, however, and tried to encourage me, and suggested that Carrie would be a very proper person for my husband to marry. I had now no longer any doubt in my mind that it had been all “arranged,” and that opposition on my part would be all in vain. I was indignant at this, for I believed that, as the Revelation itself said, I—the first wife—ought first to have been consulted. This, however, I subsequently found was as false as the system itself.
I returned home, pondering over what had been said to me, with a feeling of intense weariness oppressing my heart. I did not know what to think. It appeared to me that every one had determined that Carrie should be my husband’s second wife; and I now believed, with my talkative friend, that Brigham Young had certainly intended it from the beginning. I felt that I would rather that he should marry almost any one else than her; for I felt certain that I should hate any woman whom he might marry, no matter how much I might have loved her before.
But my mind was soon relieved of its trouble respecting poor Carrie; for, as I before mentioned, her failing health forbade all thoughts of marriage, and my husband, after a short time, never spoke to me about her. The real cause of my distress, however, was by no means removed; it was determined, without appeal, that my husband should, notwithstanding any impediment to the contrary, take another wife, whoever that chosen one might be. My apprehensions, therefore, were not removed; they were only turned in another direction.