“Then I showed this note to Mrs. Elsworth, and asked her to give it to Elder Shrewsbury that night when he came.
“He came, of course, and he came again and again; but I would not see him; and I did not even go to the meetings for fear of coming across him there. He had long talks with Mrs. Elsworth, and tried to get her to interfere, and at last he sent me a long letter, entreating me not to refuse him. I was cooler now; and when Mrs. Elsworth said I ought at least to see him, even if I dismissed him then, I agreed to do so, and the next night he came.
“He was very humble that night. You know what torrents of eloquence he pours forth about anything that interests him, and how earnest he is. But then all his eloquence had fled. He hesitated and blundered, until I really quite pitied him. He came and sat by me, and would have taken my hand, but I would not let him. He did not tell me that he loved me, but he spoke as if I were conscious of the fact; and you know, of course, I couldn’t help feeling that he cared for me, whether he spoke about it or not. He assured me over and over again that though he had often heard the scandal, as I had done, he did not for a moment believe it; he said that he should never himself act up to the Revelation; that if he loved, it should be an undivided and all-absorbing love; that he would rather have less glory in eternity, with one whom he could idolize, than obey the Revelation on Polygamy, and obtain a higher position.
“All this time he hardly once looked at me, but when I did see his eyes, they seemed very sorrowful and very earnest. I confess to you that what he said made me feel very differently for him. For a man of his ability and talents, who has such an influence, and wins so much respect from every one he meets, to be sitting there all bashful, like a naughty child, before a young girl like me, and all because he loved me, made me feel for him a pity which was very near to love.
“I told him that I had quite resolved, now that polygamy was acknowledged, never to see him again, except as I might see the other elders at meeting. I said I believed I was still a good Mormon, as Mormons used to be; but I would never receive polygamy, or be more than an ordinary friend to any one who did believe it.
“After that I only saw him at the meeting. And, oh dear! you should see what meetings we have now! Half the people don’t attend, and everything is so cold and lifeless. Some of our most earnest elders never come; and it is said among the brethren that polygamy will produce the greatest apostasy which the church has ever seen. Every one seems ashamed of it.
“And now, dear, I have written you a terrible long letter, but you must please forgive me, for I have no one to whom I can open my heart except to you. Kiss the babies, please, for me; and write soon to your most affectionately loving,
“Mary Burton.”
Poor girl! I said, as I folded up her letter; but it is better for her to suffer a little now, than for her to have been married first, as I was, and then, when too late to go back, to have polygamy announced as an article of faith.