After the birth of the first child the joint stock of money is produced, and the young couple enter into business for themselves, as they are supposed to have lived off the bride's parents up to this time. There are three things which are considered absolutely essential in these wedding ceremonies. These are three metallic platters, one containing a kind of sweet cakes called "Kanome cheen", or Chinese cakes; another contains a kind of mince-meat, highly seasoned, and much prized; and the third contains areca nut, seri leaf, red lime, and tobacco for chewing purposes. These articles constitute what is called the "Kan mak," literally the areca-nut tray, but which has become one of their names for a wedding.
Marriage amongst them appears to be little more than a civil contract, in which the bride has but little choice, but yields implicit obedience to the will of the parents.
If a young man attempts to pay his addresses to a young lady without going through the proper channel, he is supposed to be doing so from improper motives, and stands a chance to get himself chastised by some male member of the family. We had once in our school a young man, who was rather fancy, and who attempted to address a young lady in the neighborhood, without taking the proper steps. One evening two of the young lady's brothers met him, and administered to him a sound thrashing.
A man in Siam possesses the prerogative of administering to his wife a little wholesome chastisement, if she fails to fulfil her duties. I have seen a few instances in which I really thought it was deserved, and did good, but as a Christian missionary, and a representative of the free United States, where women are clamoring for the same rights as men, I had to discourage such things under all circumstances.
Polygamy is not common amongst the middle and lower classes, simply on account of their inability to maintain more than one wife, but divorce is very easy, being only a dissolving of the civil contract by the mutual consent of the parties, and then each party is at liberty to marry again. There are however, many happy marriages in Siam, and I have seen old people of seventy, who had spent a long life together and raised large families.
Notwithstanding the vigilance of the mothers, there is occasionally a runaway match. In such cases however, they as soon as possible take all proper steps to propitiate the parents. They select respectable persons, and send them with presents to the parents, and, as a general thing, like runaway matches everywhere; after a short time every thing is smoothed over satisfactorily. I had in my employ a young man who was an orphan. He became enamored with a young lady in the neighborhood, and through his friends secured the consent of her parents, but as he was poor, the wedding was to be postponed a year. In the mean time, a well-to-do Chinaman, who had considerable money at his command, came along and proposed. The parents consented, notwithstanding the former contract, and went on to make arrangements for the wedding, without telling the daughter anything about it. A few days before the wedding was to come off, she got wind of what was going on, and that night ran away and came down to our place, to hunt up her other lover. In the morning he came to me in great trepidation, but unwilling to give up his prize. I rather felt for the young folks, and selected some of the most honorable persons in the neighborhood, and sent them up to the parents, but they were inexorable. I then sent for them to come down to our place, which they did through respect for me, but would still do nothing, and threatened to go to law; but I told them I would defend the young man in his just rights to the last. After a few days however, all was quieted down, and the matter smoothed over amicably. A faithful creature she also proved to be. She worked and kept up the house, and all the expenses, whilst he worked to pay me a tolerably large debt, for money which I advanced him on the occasion.
The nobility have all a plurality of wives, in proportion to their means and rank. The first one taken, is head or mistress over the others, and the whole get along as harmoniously together as such an arrangement could be expected to do, and much more so than the same arrangement would do with us. A nobleman is rather to be envied than otherwise on his return home, as he receives so many delicate attentions from his numerous wives, who all vie with each other in meriting a liberal share of the divided affections of their lord. Woman knows her place in Siam, and there are no such unfrocked specimens of the sex there, as Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Lucretia Mott, and others. Polygamy is however, one of the curses of the land, and one of the great barriers to the introduction of the gospel. It is one of those mountains which the power of the gospel must eventually bring low. The day is coming when it must be abolished even in Siam.
CHAPTER VII.
CEREMONIES FOR THE DYING AND DEAD.
The Siamese dispose of their dead by cremation. When a prince of rank is found to be near death, the relatives suspend every other care, and assist in giving the departing spirit as good a passport as possible into the spirit land. Every effort is made to fix the thoughts of the dying man on Budha. They take their turns in calling out as loudly, and distinctly as possible, "Pra Arahang," one of the names of Budha. It is uttered as much as eight times in a minute, so that it is impossible to hear anything else. This seems to be the "Extreme Unction" of the Budhist. When all evidence of the dying man's hearing is past, the attendant friends will raise their voices to a stunning pitch, hoping that the departing spirit may still hear Pra Arahang. After it is thought Pra Arahang can be no longer heard, the most uncontrollable wailing is commenced, which can be heard to a great distance. The friends of the deceased, household slaves, and all, engage in this outburst of grief.