Never, upon entering, seize an usher by the throat, rub your coupons into his eyes, and loudly demand your seats or his life. A public entertainment is not a rat-baiting.
Never retain your hat and take off your coat and waistcoat at theater or opera. To shed the tile and retain the garments is in better form.
Never whistle, guffaw or make boisterous comments during the rendition of pathetic scenes. Consistency’s a jewel.
Never testify your approbation by prolonged roars, cries of “Hear, hear!” tossing your hat in the air, and making quartz-crushers of your feet. Moderate your transports.
Never express your disapproval by furious catcalls, by pelting the performers with stale eggs, or by vociferated injunctions to “choke ’em off,” to “burn the crib,” or to “run down the rag.” A pronounced sibilation, accompanied by judicious barkings, will answer quite as well.
Never, even if slowly murdered by the orchestra, betray your sufferings by idiotic grimaces, violent contortions and dismal groans. Remember Talleyrand, who could have smiled his unconsciousness even if stabbed in the back.
Never jocosely shout out “Fire!” if a red-haired lady should rustle into a seat in front of you. Incendiarism is the legitimate mission of stump-orators and fire-bugs.
Never bring your opera-glass to bear like a siege-gun, with your lips spread open as over a Barmecides free-lunch. Even a harsh gritting of the teeth, during the operation, is not in the best taste.
Never hold it for a lady to look through, while adjusting her line of vision by the back of her head, and advising her in a hoarse whisper as to the best method for “gunning” her object. Are you at the opera or the race-course?
Never loudly discuss politics, divorce suits or ministerial scandals at the theater or at a concert when the performance is going on. If speech is silver and silence golden, discussion at such times is metallic to annoyance.