Never, if compelled to quit the building before the entertainment is finished, pass up the aisle on all fours, to avoid an interruption. Siamese obsequiousness is out of place in well-bred audiences.
Never, at the close, hump your way boorishly through the well-dressed throngs, or expedite an exit by flying leaps over the backs of the seats. Even a break over the stage would be preferable to this form.
Never, after a brief adjournment to the open air, apologize to the lady under your escort with a profuseness that will render the cloves, burned coffee or smoked herring too apparent on your breath. Better confess at once to a gin-sour, and be done with it. Frankness and rankness rhyme but in materiality where truth is at stake.
Never send flowers to the stage in a market-basket, or bombard a diva with bouquets bigger than a cooking-stove. The language of flowers should appeal to the inner sense.
Never enter a crowded auditorium with your thumbs in the arm-holes of your waistcoat, head thrown back, chin in air, and the stub of a cigar between the teeth. Self-consciousness may be pushed to an extreme.
Never lunch between acts, in full view of audience, on cheap sandwiches, peanuts and ginger-beer, even if you have missed your supper. Secretly tighten your waist-band, and think of Baron Trenck and his fortitude in prison.
Never blow your nose with a loud trumpeting during an especially interesting scene, or while a difficult aria is being sung. A fanfare is not necessarily in sympathy with a tremolo.
Never, if with a lady, individualize the features of a ballet. A grinning reticence in this regard is more delicate.
Never attempt to join in with the chorus, even at a negro minstrel show. Even burnt-cork has its privileges.
Never permit a lady to pay for the tickets at the box-office. If you havn’t any money, don’t go.