"We protest against these cruel words," said the Possum. "We have been assaulted and battered and snout-bended by ruffians of the worst description."
"How can Your Worship say such things," said the Wombat, "and us a-wearin' bell-toppers before your very eyes."
"If you've been assaulted and battered," said the Mayor, "we shall have to arrest the assaulters and batterers as well."
"What's fair to one is fair to all," said the Constable.
"You'll admit that, of course?" he added to Bill.
"I admit nothin' of the sort," said Bill. "If you want to arrest anybody, do your duty and arrest these here puddin'-snatchers.
"If you're an officer of the Law,
A constant felon-catcher,
Then do not hesitate before
A common puddin'-snatcher."
"We call on you to arrest these assaulters and batterers of people wearing top-hats," said the puddin'-thieves;
"Our innocence let all attest,
We prove it by our hatter;
It is your duty to arrest
Not those in top-hats of the best,
But those who top-hats batter."
"It's very clear that somebody has to be arrested," said the Mayor. "I can't be put to the trouble of wearing my robes of office in public without somebody having to pay for it. I don't care whether you arrest the top-hat batterers, or the battered top-hatterers; all I say is, do your duty, whatever happens—
"So somebody, no matter who,
You must arrest or rue it;
As I'm the Mayor of Tooraloo,
And you've the painful job to do,
I call on you to do it."