Shall I then let a man abuse the parasites?
No, surely, for there is no race of men
More useful in such matters. And if company
Be one of the things which makes life pass agreeably,
Surely a parasite does this most constantly.
Are you in love? he, at the shortest notice,
Feels the same passion. Have you any business?
His business is at once the same as yours;
And he's at hand to help you as you wish;
Thinking that only fair to him that feeds him.
'Tis marvellous how he doth praise his friends—

[[375]] He loves a feast where he is ask'd for nothing.
What man, what hero, or what god exists,
Who does not scorn such habits and such principles?
But that I mayn't detain you all the day,
I think that I can give you one clear proof
In what respect men hold a parasite;
For they receive the same rewards as those
Who at Olympia bear the palm of victory—
They both are fed for nothing for their virtues;
And wheresoe'er there is no contribution,
That place we ought to call the Prytaneum.

33. And Antiphanes, in his Twins, says—

For look, the parasite, if you judge aright,
Shares both the life and fortune of his friends.
There is no parasite who'd wish his friends
To be unfortunate; but on the contrary
His constant prayer will be, that all may prosper.
Has any one a fortune? he don't envy him;
He'd rather always be at hand to share it.
He is a genuine friend, and eke a safe one,
Not quarrelsome, ill-humour'd, peevish, sulky,
But skill'd to keep his temper. Do you mock him?
He laughs himself; he's amorous or mirthful,
Just as his friend is i' th' humour. He's a general,
Or valiant soldier, only let his pay
Be a good dinner, and he'll ask no more.

34. And Aristophon, in his Physician, says—

I wish now to inform him
What is my disposition.
If any one gives a dinner,
I'm always to be found,
So that the young men scoffing
Because I come in first
Do call me gravy soup.
Then if there be occasion
To check a drunken guest,
Or turn him out by force,
You'd think I were Antæus;
Or must a door be forced?
I butt like any ram;
Or would you scale a ladder?
I'm Capaneus, and eager
To climb like him to heaven.
Are blows to be endured?
A very anvil I;
Or Telamon or Ajax,
If wounds are to be given;
While as a beauty-hunter
E'en smoke itself can't beat me.[375:1]

[[376]] And in his Pythagorean he says—

For being hungry, and yet eating nothing,
He is a Tithymallus or Philippides;
For water-drinking he's a regular frog;
For eating thyme and cabbages, a snail;
For hating washing he's a pig; for living
Out in the open air, a perfect blackbird;
For standing cold and chattering all the day,
A second grasshopper; in hating oil
He's dust; for walking barefoot in the morning,
A crane; for passing sleepless nights, a bat.

35. And Antiphanes says in his Ancestors—

You know my ways;
That there's no pride in me, but I am just
Like this among my friends: a mass of iron
To bear their blows, a thunderbolt to give them;
Lightning to blind a man, the wind to move one;
A very halter, if one needs be choked;
An earthquake to heave doors from off their hinges;
A flea to leap quick in; a fly to come
And feast without a formal invitation;
Not to depart too soon, a perfect well.
I'm ready when I'm wanted, whether it be
To choke a man or kill him, or to prove
A case against him. All that others say,
Those things I am prepared at once to do.
And young men, mocking me on this account,
Do call me whirlwind—but for me, I care not
For such light jests. For to my friends I prove
A friend in deeds, and not in words alone.