"So softly shines the beauteous bride,
By love and conscious virtue led,
O'er her new mansion to preside,
And placid joys around her spread."[77]
Some time previous to the day fixed, the bridegroom was invested ceremoniously with a dress cap or bonnet, and he took an additional name. About this same time the bride, whose hair had hung down in long tresses, had it done up in the style of married women of her class in society. Usually, the day before the wedding, the bride tried on the clothes she was to wear in the sedan going to the home of her husband, and what she was to wear the first day upon her arrival at his home. This was an occasion of great interest to her family, and the parents invited female relatives and friends to a feast that they might view the clothing and help to have things well prepared for the wedding-day.
On the wedding-day, the bridegroom or his best man and friends went with an ornamented sedan, accompanied with musicians, to the home of the bride. When evening came and the stars were just beginning to peep out, the bride, with a thick veil over her head and completely covering her features from view, entered the sedan and the procession, with music and lanterns, took its way to the home of the bridegroom. On reaching his residence, the bride was carried into the house in the arms of matrons and lifted over a pan of burning charcoal on the threshold. The bridegroom and bride seated themselves side by side, each trying to sit on a part of the dress of the other, as it was considered that the one who succeeded in so doing would rule the household. Then the bride returned to her chamber and her outer garments and veil were removed and she was dressed in her wedding finery and then with her husband she entered upon the wedding-dinner. Often this was the first time in the husband's life to behold the features of his wife. He could eat what he chose of the good things but she, according to established custom, must not take a particle, but must sit in silence, dignified and composed. The door of the room was left open and about it gathered the invited guests, the parents of the bridegroom and his relatives, all of whom scrutinized the bride and observed her deportment and expressed their opinions and criticisms. The cup of alliance was drunk together by the young couple and pledges were exchanged. On the next day they worshipped together the ancestral gods of the husband and paid their respects to his parents and relatives. This was the wife's last time to be in public with her husband, as husbands were never seen with their wives in public. On the third day after the wedding, the bride paid a customary visit to her own parents.
Whatever else might have been included in the marriage customs in China, the wedding-feast was the main feature of the occasion. This might occur upon the wedding-day or at some later time. Wedding and funeral feasts would be quite impossible were it not for the "share" system which they have worked out. Each guest, or each family, were not only expected but really required by a rigid code of social etiquette to contribute to the expense of the occasion. This was sometimes in food but usually in money and there was a scale according to which every one knew what his "share" should be.
"One of the most characteristic methods in which the Chinese lack of sympathy is manifested is in the treatment which brides receive on their wedding-day. They are often very young, are always timid, and are naturally terror-stricken at being suddenly thrust among strangers. Customs vary widely, but there seems to be a general indifference to the feelings of the poor child thus exposed to the public gaze. In some places it is allowable for any one who chooses to turn back the curtains of the chair and stare at her. In other regions, the unmarried girls find it a source of keen enjoyment to post themselves at a convenient position as the bride passes, to throw upon her handfuls of hay-seed or chaff, which will obstinately adhere to her carefully oiled hair for a long time. Upon her emerging from the chair at the house of her new parents, she is subjected to the same kind of criticism as a newly bought horse, with what feelings on her part it is not difficult to imagine."[78]
Infancy.
It was considered a deep disgrace if the children of a Chinese mother were not all born at the father's home, and in their efforts to have such occur women would do everything possible, even going to great inconvenience and hardship. If this should be the first baby and a boy, there would be great rejoicing in the whole household, but if a girl there would not only be no rejoicing but along with depression the young wife would be treated with coldness and often with harshness, and she might be beaten for her lack of discretion in not producing a son.