ALGERNON.
Well, I can’t eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs. One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them.
JACK.
I say it’s perfectly heartless your eating muffins at all, under the circumstances.
ALGERNON.
When I am in trouble, eating is the only thing that consoles me. Indeed, when I am in really great trouble, as any one who knows me intimately will tell you, I refuse everything except food and drink. At the present moment I am eating muffins because I am unhappy. Besides, I am particularly fond of muffins. [Rising.]
JACK.
[Rising.] Well, that is no reason why you should eat them all in that greedy way. [Takes muffins from Algernon.]
ALGERNON.
[Offering tea-cake.] I wish you would have tea-cake instead. I don’t like tea-cake.
JACK.
Good heavens! I suppose a man may eat his own muffins in his own garden.
ALGERNON.
But you have just said it was perfectly heartless to eat muffins.
JACK.
I said it was perfectly heartless of you, under the circumstances. That is a very different thing.
ALGERNON.
That may be. But the muffins are the same. [He seizes the muffin-dish from Jack.]
JACK.
Algy, I wish to goodness you would go.