“Who am I?”
“A most high and mighty seigneur in your ancient château, of which but one wing remains; that is why you have recently purchased another small seigniory in the neighborhood.”
“That is true; but what do I wish to do now?”
“You wish that your vassals should be submissive, trembling and fearful in your presence, like lambs before a lion; you wish to be the master of their destinies; you wish that they should give you their fairest and best—what they have earned by the sweat of their brow; and in addition to all that, you wish that they should pay you.”
“That is very true.”
“You would that maidens should not change their state without your permission.”
“That is the truth.”
“And as you are no longer capable of effecting this, you would, on the wedding day, put your old bare leg into the bed of the young virgin, who will shriek and weep at the sight of her lord’s calf, a result which will do great honor to him, as he is very glad now to frighten his vassals with that, since he can arouse no other sentiment. In short, you wish to revive the rights of jambage, cuissage, marquette and prélibation, as they existed in the good old days of chivalry, when a knight always rode with lance in rest, fighting when neither would yield to the other, on a narrow road where two could not pass; fighting when the man whom he met refused to declare aloud that his lady was the fairest, although he had never seen her; fighting with dwarfs—there were dwarfs in those days—and with giants who carried off young maidens, and who, despite their enormous clubs—for a giant never went abroad without one—allowed themselves to be run through like manikins by the first knight who appeared on the scene!”
“That’s it, that’s it exactly! I mean to have a dwarf at the door of my dovecote, and to kill the first giant who appears on my land, where one has never yet been seen.”
“Very well, monsieur le marquis, buy some of Master Graograicus’s pills, take them in large quantities and often; they will make you young, vigorous, active and lusty; your white hair will turn black again, your figure will become straight, your wrinkles will disappear, your cheeks will fill out, your color will come back and your teeth will grow again. I will guarantee that, when this transformation has taken place, your vassals will do whatever you wish, and especially that the girls will no longer avoid you.”