"I know well enough that I don't amount to much, that I've often done foolish things. That's true; but, after all, youth must have its fling; mine seems to last a good while, but whose fault is it? And it's no time to treat me like a dog, just when I've made up my mind to turn over a new leaf, to straighten myself out and be sensible!"
He paused and glanced at me; but I did not say a word, and he continued:
"Yes, this time, I have reflected seriously. As you said just now, I am no longer young, I must think of my future; and an opportunity is offered me—an affair that would suit me to a T. I have spoken to you about Morillot—a good fellow, who's in the cabinetmaking line; he's no ne'er-do-well, but a worker; and I confess that if I'd listened to him, I'd be in better case than I am. Well, Morillot has gone back to Besançon, where he came from. He always said to me: 'When I have a place for you, I'll write and you can come.'—Well, he's just written to me, and he says that, if I choose to come, he's got just what I want; and that, if I behave myself, I'll soon be able to set up for myself at Besançon. I came here to tell you that."
I listened to Ballangier without interrupting him. I did not know whether I ought to believe him, he had deceived me so often! It was no easy matter to read his face; he could assume any expression he chose; he could even weep, when he thought that would advance his schemes.
"If this Morillot has really made you such a proposition, why don't you go?" I asked at last.
"Ah! you're a good one, you are! That's easy enough to say. But I don't want to go to Besançon dressed like this—all in rags; that would give people a bad opinion of me at the outset. If a man's hide isn't somewhere near decent—you know what fools folks are! And then the journey; and then, I shan't get paid as soon as I arrive. In fact, I haven't a sou, as that rascally concierge kept almost the whole of what you gave him for me. And, anyway, fifty francs a month ain't a fortune! A man can't go far with that!"
"A man can live with that; and if you chose to work, you could have everything you need. How many poor women who pass their days sewing, and sit up half the night to add a few sous to their day's pay, don't earn as much as this sum that seems to you too small! But do you forget all that I have done for you? I have tried every possible means of bringing you back to a respectable mode of life. The more money I give you, the more you spend in those dens of iniquity where you pass your life. I got tired at last of supporting your vices; and I still do too much for you."
"Come! come! let's not get excited! It's not worth while to talk about the past. What's gone by is wiped out. To-day, to replenish my wardrobe, to pay for my journey and incidental expenses, and to keep me till I get paid for my work, I need—dame! I need fully four hundred francs. Oh! I know it's like pulling out a tooth, and that I've cost you a lot of money already; but this will be the last time; and you wont hear of me again. I'll settle at Besançon; they say Franche-Comté is a pleasant country; at all events, I can be happy anywhere."
I reflected, while Ballangier watched me with something very like anxiety. He had lied to me so often that I dared not put faith in what he said.
"What have you to prove the truth of what you tell me?"