62. Modesty.—One of the most essential parts of kindness is modesty. Modesty is certainly a duty we owe to ourselves; but it is also a duty we owe to others. Nothing more fatiguing than people who bring everything back to themselves, and can speak of nothing but themselves. It is not by appearing satisfied with your own accomplishments, but in having others satisfied with them, that you will please; and they will never find you more charming than when, completely forgetting yourself, you will be only occupied with them. To succeed in making them satisfied with themselves, is the true means of having them satisfied with you.
Among remarkable instances of modesty often cited, are those of Turenne and Catinat. The latter having sent in a report of the battle of Marsaglia, had so totally forgotten to mention himself that some one ingenuously asked: “Was the marshal present?”
62 (bis). Peace among men.—“You have but a day to spend on earth,” says Lamennais; “try to spend it in peace.”[47]
Nicole has written an excellent treatise on the means of preserving peace among men (Essais de morale, 1671). Let us give a résumé of it.
Two causes, according to Nicole, produce disunion among men: “either in wounding their feelings we cause them to withdraw from us, or, in being wounded ourselves, we withdraw from them.”
Consequently, “the only means of avoiding such divisions is not to wound the feelings of others, and not to feel one’s self wounded by them.”
1. If we look into the causes which generally give offense, we shall see that they may be reduced to two, which are: “to contradict people in their opinions, and to oppose their passions.”
“1. Opinions.—Men are naturally attached to their opinions, because they desire to rule over others: now we rule through the trust that is placed in us; it is a sort of empire to have one’s opinions received by others.
“For this reason, when one seeks to combat the opinions of a man, one does him in some sort injury. It cannot be done without giving him to understand that he is mistaken; and he does not take pleasure in being mistaken. He who contradicts another on some point, pretends to more knowledge than has he whom he wishes to persuade; he thus presents to him two disagreeable ideas at the same time: one, that he is deficient in knowledge, and the other that he who corrects him surpasses him in intelligence.”
One should, therefore, spare people in their opinions; but among these opinions there are some which must be treated with more regard than others: