“They are those advanced by no one particular person of the place where one may live, but which are established by universal approbation: in running against such opinions, one appears wishing to rise above all the rest.”
Not that one should always scruple in conversation to show that one does not approve some opinions: that would be destroying society, instead of preserving it....
“But it is a thing worth pointing out how one may express his sentiments so gently and agreeably that they give no offense.... For very often it is not so much our sentiments that shock others, as the proud, presumptuous, passionate, disdainful, insulting manner in which we express them.”
There are, then, several mistakes to be avoided:
(a) The first is assumed superiority, that is to say an imperious manner in the expression of one’s sentiments, and which most persons resent, as much because it shows a proud and haughty soul, as because it indicates a domineering spirit tyrannizing over minds.
(b) The second is the decided and dogmatic manner in which an opinion is given; as if it could not be reasonably contradicted.
(c) Vehemence does not belong to the mistakes we have just spoken of. It consists in conveying the impression that one is not only attached to one’s sentiments from conviction, but also passionately, which furnishes many people a reason for suspecting the truth of those sentiments, thus inspiring in them a wholly contrary feeling.
(d) The contempt and insults which enter into disputes, are so obviously shocking, that it is not necessary to warn against them; but it may be well to remark that there are certain rudenesses and incivilities nearly akin to contempt, although they spring from another source. Change of opinion is in itself such a hard thing, and so contrary to nature, that we must not add to it other difficulties.
(e) Finally, hardness, which does not so much consist in the hardness of the terms employed as in the absence of certain softening words, also often shocks those thus addressed, because it implies a sort of indifference and contempt.
2. Passions.—It is not enough to avoid contradicting people’s opinions, or to do so cautiously only; one must also spare their inclinations and their passions, because otherwise, it is impossible to avoid complaints, murmurs, and quarrels.