These inclinations are of three kinds: which may be called just, indifferent, and unjust.
(a) One should never really satisfy the unjust ones; but it is not always necessary to oppose them; for it is wounding others to make one’s self conspicuous without particular reason.... One must always make amends for good and evil ... especially when there are others who could do it with better results than we.
Besides, “this same rule obliges us to choose the least offensive, the gentlest, the least irritating means.”
(b) I call indifferent passions those the objects of which are not bad in themselves, although they may be sought after with a vicious adhesion. Now, in this sort of things we are at greater liberty to yield to the inclinations of others: 1, because we are not their judges; 2, because we do not know whether these affections are not necessary to them (leading them away from still more dangerous objects); 3, because these sorts of affections must be destroyed with prudence and circumspection; 4, because there is reason to fear we might do them more harm in indirectly opposing their innocent passions, than we should do them good in warning them against them.
(c) I call just passions, those in which we are obliged to follow others by reason of some duty, although they might perhaps not be justified in requiring of us such deference.
The peace of society resting thus on reciprocal esteem and love, it is just that men should wish to be esteemed and loved, and should demand outward signs of esteem and love. Upon this rest the rules of civility established among men, and of which we have spoken above.
II. It is not enough to avoid wounding men’s feelings, one should, moreover, not allow one’s self to feel wounded by them, when they themselves fail to treat us as we ought to treat them.
For it is impossible to practice inward peace, if we are so sensitive to all that may be done and said contrary to our inclinations and sentiments; and it is even difficult to prevent the inner dissatisfaction from showing itself outwardly, and inducing us to treat those who have shocked us in a manner calculated to shock them in their turn.
It is, then, necessary to avoid complaining of others, when one has been offended by them. In fact:
... Let us complain of others as much as we please, we shall generally only embitter them the more, without correcting them. We shall be accounted sensitive, proud, haughty ... and if those we complain of have any sort of skill, they will give such an aspect to things that the blame will fall back upon us.