Considerate Little Girl—"Please, Mr. Keeper, will it hurt the elephant if I give him a currant out of my bun?"—Leisure Hours.
Howard Paul is responsible for this anecdote of Lillian Russell. The fair vocalist was lunching at a restaurant and ordered "floating island"—a popular entremet. In due course it arrived, and on its snowy surface three little red ants were having a cheap picnic and wriggling about in ecstatic contortions on the banquet they were enjoying. "Waiter," said Miss Russell, "I asked you for an island, but I expressed no desire to have it inhabited—take it away and bring me a dessert island."
A lank, awkward countryman presented himself at the clerk's desk in an American hotel, and, after having a room assigned to him, inquired at what hours meals were served.
"Breakfast from seven to eleven, luncheon from eleven to three, dinner from three to eight, supper from eight to twelve," recited the hotel clerk glibly.
"Jerushy!" ejaculated the country man, with bulging eyes, "When am I going to get time to see the town?"
A waiter in a restaurant once entered the room where a lady and gentleman were dining—they were just finishing their soup—without any preliminary knock. What he saw led him to stammer: "A thousand pardons, Monsieur; I was too precipitate." "Why, you idiot," said the gentleman, "what are you standing there for, with your head under the tray? Did you never see a gentleman kiss a lady before in this restaurant?" "Oui, Monsieur, but nevaire before ze feesh—nevaire!"