Three different waiters at a hotel asked a prim, precise little man at dinner if he would have soup. A little annoyed, he said to the last waiter who asked the question:
"Is it compulsory?"
"No, sir," said the waiter. "I think it's mock turtle."
Mistress—"Now, remember, Bridget, the Joneses are coming for dinner tonight."
Cook—"Leave it to me, mum. I'll do me worst! They'll never trouble yez again!"
Murphy—"Oi tell yez, Flaherty, th' saloon is th' poor mon's cloob. Troth, Oi don't see how he could git on widout it."
Flaherty—"He couldn't. Iv there wor no saloons there'd be no poor min."