This Company is established in consequence of the lamented deficiency in the scholastic profession; and its object is to manufacture schoolmasters of a very superior character, at a cheap rate, from various "refuse" articles of all trades and professions—technically, the "unfit" or good-for-nothing.

In consequence of a profound investigation of the science of education, it has been discovered that those who are unable to conduct any other business, are the best adapted to "teach the young idea how to shoot;" and therefore cast-off cobblers, tailors, teachers, and drapers, shop-boys and errand-boys, will be received into the establishment at the rate of a guinea a-week; where, by the aid of educational galvanism, their misdirected faculties will be sublimed, their ideas topsiturvied, their moral and intellectual nature turned inside out, their understandings new vamped, soled, and welted, and their minds infused with a succedaneum of intellectual electricity, which shall evaporate itself in the mixed mathematics, pedagogicks, whackbackics, pancakeatics, tickletobyatics, and all other scholastic sciences.

Candidates must bring personal recommendations, of a squint, a slouch, a leer, a game leg, a hump back, or any other accomplishments. Should they be unfortunately destitute of these, they may produce testimonials of fitness from their washerwomen; but those who do not indulge in the luxury of a clean shirt may be recommended by the teacher of any Social sect to which they may belong. These certificates must certify them to be bumble headed, addle-pated, numbsculled, good for nothing else; that they wear dickeys and are donkeys.

Upon entering the Institution the seminants will be forced to forget everything they ever knew, by a machine invented by Mr. Combe for "Razing out the errors of the brain," and which has been used with the happiest effects at the Glasgow Normal Establishment.—A perfect Tabla Rasa being thus produced in vacuo, on Locke's principle, the professors will commence teaching their pupils to know a great A from a bull's foot, how many beans make five, and other branches of the pure mathematics.

As all the seminants will be naturals, Natural Philosophy will be a principal object of study, and the mechanical system of Dr. Lardner will be the text-book. History will be imparted through the renowned histories of "Jack the Giant Killer," "Jack and the Bean Stalk," "The Ogre and his Seven-leagued Boots," and the "Newgate Calendar," under the superintendence of John Ketch, Esq.; Morality and Esthenics through the medium of "Ovid's Art of Love," "Basia," and "Little's Poems;" while the Principles of Science will be imparted through the "Boxiana," by Professor Cribb, assisted by the celebrated Scotch terrier, "Fudge."

Religion being in the highest degree essential, it cannot be dispensed with without endangering the safety of the Company. But as there are so many different sects of religionists, and so many differences in the sects, it is proposed to teach religion by machinery, on the comprehensive accommodation principle of expediency, by means of one of Cobbett's cast-iron Independent parsons, which, being constructed upon the profoundest principles of neutrality, will satisfy all parties, by teaching every religion at the same time, and none in particular: thus Atheism and Methodism may shake hands together, Mahommedanism and Calvinism embrace, and Buddhism and every other schism kiss each other in the true spirit of Christian liberality and equality.

Degrees will be granted to those pupils who may distinguish themselves in flagellation, or a dexterous use of the cat or tawse, or by proficiency in the evolutions of cane, strap, or ruler; the degree of P.W., Professed Walloper, being equal to that of A.M.

(Signed)
The Right Rev. Rob. Tailor,
The Right Hon. P. Cleave,
The Very Rev. Rob. Carlisle,
Simon Squeers,
Secretary.

THE PUFF NOVEL.